How EMDR Therapy Can Help Break the Cycle of Perfectionism

Let’s be honest—perfectionism feels exhausting.

On the outside, it might look like “high standards” or “strong work ethic.” But on the inside, it can feel like a constant chase: never good enough, never finished, never allowed to rest.

This cycle doesn’t just show up at work. It seeps into relationships, parenting, and even self-care. You may spend hours reworking a project, replaying conversations, or obsessing over whether you did something “the right way.”

That’s why so many people are turning to therapy for perfectionism—especially trauma-informed approaches like EMDR therapy. Because here’s the truth: perfectionism isn’t just a personality trait. It’s often a survival strategy rooted in deeper experiences. And with the right kind of therapy, it’s possible to break free.

What is the 70 30 rule of perfectionism?

The “70/30 rule” is a way of reframing how we measure effort and success. Instead of striving for 100% perfection, the idea is that aiming for 70% is often more than enough. The extra 30%—the endless tweaking, obsessing, and re-checking—rarely changes the outcome, but it costs you time, energy, and peace of mind.

This is where therapy for perfectionism comes in. In EMDR therapy, clients often uncover the memories or beliefs that drive their need for the “last 30%.” Maybe a critical teacher made them feel that mistakes weren’t allowed. 

Maybe a parent only offered praise when they performed perfectly. EMDR helps process those memories so they no longer dictate your worth.

By working through those stuck experiences, you start to internalize a new truth: your value isn’t tied to flawless outcomes. Sometimes 70% is actually healthy, balanced, and enough.

Is perfectionism a form of OCD?

It’s a common question. While perfectionism and OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder) share some similarities—like intrusive thoughts, repetitive behaviors, or rigid standards—they aren’t the same thing.

Perfectionism is often considered more of a personality pattern or coping mechanism. OCD, on the other hand, is a diagnosable mental health condition characterized by obsessions and compulsions that significantly interfere with daily life.

That said, people with OCD can also struggle with perfectionism, and perfectionistic tendencies can feel just as consuming. Therapy for perfectionism—including EMDR—doesn’t just reduce the behaviors (like over-checking emails or over-preparing presentations). It addresses the why behind the behaviors.

Through EMDR therapy, many clients discover that their perfectionism isn’t about the task itself—it’s about safety. The belief that “if I do everything perfectly, I won’t be judged, abandoned, or hurt again.” Healing those deeper fears allows the perfectionism to loosen its grip.

What is the root cause of perfectionism?

Perfectionism rarely comes out of nowhere. It’s usually rooted in early life experiences, environments, or cultural pressures. Some common roots include:

• Critical or demanding caregivers – Growing up in a household where mistakes weren’t tolerated can create a lifelong fear of failure.
• Unstable environments – For some, being perfect became a way to control chaos or avoid conflict.
• Conditional love or approval – If love only came when you achieved, excelled, or behaved a certain way, you may have learned to equate perfection with safety.
• Cultural or societal pressures – Messages like “failure isn’t an option” or “you’re only as good as your last achievement” fuel impossible standards.

This is why therapy for perfectionism is so powerful. Talk therapy can help you notice these patterns, but EMDR therapy goes deeper. By reprocessing the painful experiences that created perfectionism in the first place, clients often feel a profound shift: “I don’t have to be perfect to be loved.”

Once that belief takes root, the cycle begins to break.

How to get over extreme perfectionism?

Breaking free from perfectionism takes time, compassion, and often professional support. Here are a few ways therapy for perfectionism can help:

1. Uncovering the “why”

Instead of focusing only on behaviors (like staying up all night editing a project), therapy helps uncover why those behaviors feel necessary in the first place.

1. Reprocessing painful memories

In EMDR therapy, those old moments of shame, criticism, or rejection are reprocessed so they lose their power. You no longer feel stuck in the loop of “I’ll never be enough.”

1. Building self-compassion

Therapy introduces healthier inner dialogue. Instead of “I can’t make mistakes,” the message becomes “I’m human, and that’s okay.”

1. Practicing balance in real time

With your therapist’s support, you’ll begin to experiment with letting go—sending the email without reading it ten times, leaving the project at “good enough,” or resting instead of pushing. Over time, these shifts create a new normal.

1. Creating sustainable habits

Therapy helps you find rhythms that support growth without burnout. You’ll learn how to aim high without letting perfectionism run the show.

Getting over extreme perfectionism isn’t about lowering your standards. It’s about breaking free from the belief that your worth depends on them.

Final Thoughts: Therapy for Perfectionism

If perfectionism feels like a never-ending cycle—pushing, achieving, and still never feeling “enough”—know this: you’re not alone, and you don’t have to stay stuck.

Therapy for perfectionism helps you untangle the roots of why you push so hard, reprocess the experiences that taught you perfection was required, and create new ways of relating to yourself. 

EMDR therapy, in particular, offers a powerful path forward by healing the memories that drive the perfectionistic cycle.

You don’t have to exhaust yourself proving your worth. You don’t have to carry the pressure of “perfect” into every part of your life. With the right support, you can begin to live with more ease, freedom, and self-acceptance.

At our practice, we believe you deserve more than a life of constant pressure. That’s why we offer therapy for perfectionism—because real healing is possible.

If you’re ready to let go of “perfect” and embrace “enough,” we’re here to walk that journey with you.