Tag Archive for 'Shannon Brewer'

You’re Talking, But Am I Really Listening?

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You’re talking, but am I really listening?  

Too often couples are seen in therapy due to communication problems. Phrases like, “he/she just doesn’t understand me,” or “I just don’t feel like he/she is listening to me,” are all too common phrases.

Many times when we are in heated discussions with a loved one, we are thinking about what we are going to say next, or trying to jump in to get our point across. Subsequently, we are not being “mindful” of what the other person is saying. Being “mindful” is being fully present in the moment you are in just as it is unfolding in front of you.  If while your loved one is speaking, you are thinking about what you are going to say, you are already in the future and not in the moment.

Mindfulness is a skill that is the core of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). It’s a skill that requires practice because our society tends to promote being “mindless” by encouraging multi-tasking. One way to get started in becoming more “mindful,” or more fully present in the moment when having a neutral or pleasant discussion, (for both parties) with your loved one is to focus on what they’re saying, pay attention to their tone, and focus on understanding. If you feel the urge to “jump in” to assert your view, just notice that urge, but bring your attention back to what your loved one is saying. Feeling understood and listened to are powerful tools in strengthening relationships.    

Shannon T. Brewer, M.A., L.P.A.

Published on Wednesday December 1, 2010 in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT). 0 Comments Tags: , , , .

Love and Support in Action

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On a recent weekend I had the great fortune of being at the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure in Charlotte. Every year I’m amazed at the wonderful outpouring of support and love that I see at that event. I believe that 16,000 people participated and 1.6 million dollars were raised, of which 75% stays in the Charlotte area. As I was surrounded by all the love and support generated by all those people walking and running for their mothers, sisters, aunts, nieces, and friends, I thought about what a great way to ”cope” with a sometimes devastating illness.

In Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) Skills Training, the module on Distress Tolerance teaches various skills used to cope with painful situations and/or emotions. DBT operates on the principle that pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. One of the skills featured in DBT is ACCEPTS. ACCEPTS is an acronynm standing for Activities, Comparisons, Contributing, Emotions, Pushing Away, Thoughts and Sensations.

Fundraising, walking and/or running for a cause such as the Susan G. Komen is an excellent example of something that involves Activities, Contributing and Comparisons, which is why an event like this and others like it are such a huge draw for so many, on so many levels. If you would like to learn more about DBT and the skills training group contact Southlake Counseling for more information.

In good health,

Shannon

Shannon T. Brewer, M.A., L.P.A.


Published on Monday October 11, 2010 in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT). 0 Comments Tags: , , .

Has Your Grief Taken You Over?

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Grief can overstay its welcome. Grief is a normal reaction to loss. We grieve the loss of loved ones, loss of careers, loss of pets, loss of personal fortune and/or loss of physical abilities. Grief can be defined as a feeling of sadness, anguish, sorrow or regret over something or someone that is gone or lost.

Sometimes, however, grief can become lodged into one’s personality, changing how they view themselves and the world around them. It can cause feelings of bitterness, dejectedness and inadequacy. Those are signs that grief may have turned into depression.

Some questions to ask yourself to determine whether your grief has taken on an extreme role may be: “Do I tend to be cyncial about the world and others?” “Do I tend to focus on my losses and can’t get past them?” “Am I more withdrawn and not interested in the things I used to enjoy?” Do I see my future as bleak?”

If you answered ”yes” to any of these questions you may be struggling with depression and would benefit from talking with someone about these issues. Take the first step toward feeling whole again by scheduling an appointment with us at Southlake Counseling today.

Be well,

Shannon


Published on Thursday September 30, 2010 in Mood Disorders. 0 Comments Tags: , , .

The Disease Concept of Addiction

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For many addiction is a problem whether it be alcohol or drugs, pornograpy, gambling or shopping.. Many people strugging with their addiction also struggle with loved ones’ negative judgements about their addiction. I have heard many times either addicts or loved ones talk about their addiction as a “lack of will power” or being “morally corrupt.” Both these statements are not only harmful to the addict, but are also incorrect.

Addiction is a disease that has a natural course like any disease such as diabetes, asthma or cancer. If left untreated the addict will progress through various stages in their addiction with the final destination either being “jails, institutions, or death.”

E.M. Jellinek has done a lot of research on Alchoholism and has published the Jellinek Curve that outlines the various stages one with alcoholism goes through. Although each individual may not go through the stages in an exact succession such as 1-2-3, they will make a linear progression.

Since addiction is a disease, it is best treated through an approach that incorporates one’s spiritual, mental, physical and emotional needs. It is also a disease that effects the family and effective treatment should also incorporate the family as well as the individual.

Treatment should involve individual therapy, involvement in the 12-step community for the addict as well as the family and family therapy. Community 12-step meetings are available everywhere and at various times throughout the day, eliminating any excuses for not attending. Family members can be a healthy support by setting boundaries and acknowledging that addiction is a disease.

Shannon T. Brewer, M.A., L.P.A.

Published on Thursday October 1, 2009 in Addiction and Article. 0 Comments Tags: .