Tag Archive for 'recovery'

Your “Say Yes to Life” Monday Motivator: Finding a Reason to Recover, Part III

I hope you have been enjoying this three-part series on Finding a Reason to Recover. To recap, in Part I, we explored what a “reason” is and how to decipher the reasons we have for the choices we make. In Part II, we looked at the word “choice” and how the very natural human emotion of fear factors into the choices we make to stay stuck or move forward.

For the conclusion of our series, we will explore what it means to “recover”. Accepted definitions of this word include: “to get back, regain, to compensate for, recover losses from.” 

These definitions might resonate if we developed an eating disorder as an adult, and we have strong memories of what life was like, what we were like, and who we were before the eating disorder set in.

But what if we have been struggling with the eating disorder for so long that we can no longer recall who we were or who we could be again without that influence controlling our lives? Or what if we were very young when we first became ill, and today contemplating life without the eating disorder feels identical to contemplating life without….us?

In this context, recovery can feel like a scary, even impossible, concept to grasp.

So here is where we must start pulling together our reasons and our choices to stay stuck or break free and assemble them on the foundation of our sense of self – our personal identity. If we don’t have a personal identity, or don’t remember it anymore, then here is where we must start, because the simple truth is that we cannot recover, regain, or get back anything if we don’t know what – or who – we have lost.

If you enjoyed significant time free from your eating disorder before you became ill, then now is the time to put your memory to work and remember what life was like. What were you like? What did you enjoy doing? What did you look forward to? Whose company did you seek out? What did you think about when you woke up in the morning and went to sleep at night? How did you spend your time and energy? What were you curious about, fascinated with, interested in? Who were you? So spend some quality time this week getting to know you B.E.D. – Before Eating Disorder.

If you developed the eating disorder before you had a strong sense of self, then examine the people around you, especially the people whom you value the most and look up to. What do they enjoy doing? What do you admire about them? If you could be anybody, go anywhere, do anything, who/where/what would you turn your attention to? What causes move your heart? What makes you long to reach out and help someone else? Whose friendship do you enjoy and why? What societal groups tug at your heart strings and why? Who could you be – who would you be – if you had time and energy free from managing the demands of your eating disorder to be YOU? Spend some time envisioning you A.E.D. – After Eating Disorder.

Understand as you do this wonderful, vital work of reconstructing “you” free from the eating disorder’s influence that the priceless gift hidden within the hard work of recovery is the opportunity to wipe the slate clean – or to keep what is good from your past and discard what is harmful now and replace it with something better. You can literally create a fascinating new reality for yourself built on the strength of your determination to overcome your life-threatening disease and the knowledge that if you can recover from an eating disorder, you can do anything you set your heart and mind to achieve.

This is the best reason to do the hard work of recovery that you will ever find. Inherent in choosing to recover is the knowledge that you are worth recovering for, that life is worth recovering for, that you matter, and that there is a place for you and work that only you can do in this world. And even if you don’t feel that way now, don’t believe that now, or don’t see that in yourself now, if you long to be able to one day, then that is a good enough reason to invest the time and energy you have been giving to your eating disordered thoughts and behaviors into recovering from them instead.

Marian Wright Edelman, Founder and President of the Children’s Defense Fund, said it best when she stated, “It is time for every one of us to roll up our sleeves and put ourselves at the top of our commitment list.”

She didn’t say “when we feel like it, when we believe it is okay, when we have earned it.” She simply said “It is time” to do it. Now. Today.

It is always a good day to choose to recover. At Southlake Counseling Center, we know exactly how much courage, determination, and vision that decision requires, and we have dedicated our lives to supporting you in your recovery journey as we first were supported by caring and skilled others in ours. So contact us today at www.southlakecounseling.com to find out how to make 2010 the year that you say “goodbye” to your eating disorder and YES to your own precious, purposeful, and powerful life!

Be Well,

Kimberly

Published on Monday December 14, 2009 in Eating Disorders and Monday Motivator. 0 Comments Tags: , , .

Your “Say Yes to Life” Monday Motivator: Finding a Reason to Recover, Part II

In the first part of our exploration of finding a reason to do the hard work of recovery, we investigated the meaning and purpose of reasons themselves. What is a “reason”? How do we begin to uncover our reasons for staying sick, and our reasons for getting well? Perhaps most importantly, what recourse do we have if and when we discover our reasons for staying sick conflict with our reasons for getting well?

In this second part of our exploration, we will look at the word “choice”. The most commonly accepted definition of this word is “the power, right, or liberty to choose; option”. Yet in many cases, the power of choice feels less like a right or liberty and more like a burden or obligation.

So stop for a moment now and think of how you commonly experience choice in your life. Does choice feel like a human right, a liberty, an option you have for exercising your own powerful, personal freedom? Or does choice feel like a burden, an obligation, an exercise in overcoming almost impenetrable fear?

Eleanor Roosevelt, a strong and empowered woman who lived through one of the most tumultuous times in American history as she supported her husband in rebuilding the hopes and dreams of a nation wrecked by economic depression, is famous for her choice to maintain her personal optimism in the face of the direst of circumstances. She once stated, “The purpose of life, after all, is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.”

While it is unlikely that any of us will ever make a decision to “reach out eagerly” and not encounter fear, Mrs. Roosevelt’s statement points to the possibility that this experience is not impossible to achieve – but it is also not going to be easy to attain.

The simple fact is that each and every day we encounter many reasons that could support our choice to stay stuck, and we encounter just as many reasons to choose to pursue health, recovery, and wellness…and it is our power of personal choice alone that will determine which path we will take.

So the challenge then becomes to decide what is in it for us to make one choice over another.

As I have had the privilege of working with so many individuals over the years, it has become clear to me that human beings are most likely to choose positive change when the pain of staying stuck exceeds the perceived pain of breaking free.  I have witnessed how each of us, over time, develops a sense of our own personal pain threshold – the line in the sand over which we may be willing to step if the pain of staying stuck outweighs the fear of trying something new. This personal pain threshold is determined by our cumulative past experiences of hope, joy, triumph, frustration, disappointment, and emotional injury. When staying stuck does not inflict enough pain to push us above our personal pain threshold set point, we will most likely choose to maintain our status quo. However, when staying stuck pushes us past our own personal pain threshold, we may actually experience that we have no choice but to step across that line and try something new.

So now it is time to contemplate the impact it will have on your life if you exercise your human right and option to choose to stay stuck in close companionship with your eating disordered thoughts and behaviors. You can contemplate or even journal about how your own choice not to do the hard work of recovery will impact your life, your relationships, your career, your daily life, your valued activities.

Next, you can consider and jot down your thoughts about the impact to your life if you choose to invest your time and energy into meeting your recovery, health, and wellness goals.

Now, take a look at what is on either side of your line in the sand determine where your current pain threshold is. If you find that your threshold is not activated enough to make the choice to do the hard work of choosing recovery, then ask yourself what kind of support you need to help you access your human right to choose to give yourself the gift of recovered life.

 At Southlake Counseling, we have both the expert training and the firsthand experience to know that you have the power to say “no” to living with an eating disorder and YES to recovered life – whether you begin your recovery journey believing that recovery is possible for you or not. We also have more than two decades of clinical expertise in implementing the very latest treatment methods for helping our clients to achieve and even exceed their recovery, health, and wellness goals. Most importantly, over the last two decades, we have had the privilege of witnessing thousands of courageous individuals like you harnessing the power of professional support to help them break free from their fears and limitations and break through to recovered life. 

So this holiday season, visit us at www.southlakecounseling.com and give yourself the most precious gift of all –the gift of choosing YOU!

Be Well,

Kimberly

Published on Monday December 7, 2009 in Eating Disorders and Monday Motivator. 0 Comments Tags: , , , .

Your “Say Yes to Life” Monday Motivator: Finding a Reason to Recover, Part I

If you have ever found yourself thinking (or saying), “I don’t have a reason to recover”, “I can’t find a reason to recover”, “What’s the point of recovering”, “I don’t feel worth recovering for”, then the first thing you need to know is that you are not alone.

Everyone who has ever tried to recover or emerge from some significant trial has felt this way at one time or another. It is part of the human condition – to struggle, to doubt, to rally, and, for those who persevere, to triumph.

But what sets those who eventually do triumph apart from the rest?

George Lucas, pioneer of one of the most beloved movie series of all times, gets right to the heart of the matter when he says, “You have to find something that you love enough to be able to take risks, jump over the hurdles and break through the brick walls that are always going to be placed in front of you. If you don’t have that kind of feeling for what it is you’re doing, you’ll stop at the first giant hurdle.”

In this first of a three-part series on “Finding a Reason to Recover”, we will look at the power inherent in reasons. But what is a “reason”? The most commonly accepted definition is that a reason is “the basis or motive for an action, decision, or conviction.”

So this basis or reason is where we start our journey. We start here because where we start is also what motivates us for every step we take after the first one. Once we understand this, it is easy to understand how where we start is often the greatest predictor for where we end up.

The good news is that our reasons can change over time, and when our reasons change, our prognosis and the outcome of our journey changes with it.

Using Star Wars giant George Lucas’ quote as a guide, let’s look at how reasons and, as Mr. Lucas says, “find[ing] something you love”, interact. The interesting thing about this dynamic duo is that, in the intersection of our motivation and emotion, there we also find CHOICE. This is what Mr. Lucas is referring to when he says that you have to find something that you love enough to take risks – risks to promote, protect, and preserve what you love, and risks to say no to what stands between you and the fulfillment and continued protection of that love.

Recently model Kate Moss was asked what her motto for life is. She replied, “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels”. This shocked the world, not just because Moss appears to be advocating for pro-eating disorder culture, but primarily because Kate Moss is a mother herself to a seven-year-old daughter.

This is what happens when we are not willing to acknowledge that all of life comes down to a series of choices, and that two opposing choices cannot continue to indefinitely occupy the same space. For instance, what is the prognosis for Moss to maintain her current stance in the future if her impressionable young daughter takes Mommy’s words to heart?

In other words, how will Moss’ reasons change when they begin to affect her own daughter?

For that matter, how will your own reasons change when you realize that, whether you currently believe you are worth recovering for – can recover – can even see the point of recovering – that you will never have the chance to find out if you don’t act NOW to save your own life?

So this is where we start. When interviewed, fully ninety percent of those who attempted suicide by leaping off of the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco and survived told their interviewer that they realized on the way down that the problems they were killing themselves to escape were really quite solvable.

The same goes for you. And for us all. Life hands us problems – that is part of what life does. How we respond, however, is up to us. We can choose to respond with hopelessness or with positive action, and our outcomes will differ accordingly. Your eating disorder is but one of many ways in which, in the past and possibly still in the present, you have chosen to respond to the stresses and unknowns of life. Maybe you believed – still believe – that the eating disorder was the only way that you could adequately cope with your daily life.

But there are other ways that you can learn for responding and managing life’s uncertainties, and they are available to you if you want to learn them. However, you can’t learn them until you know what function and role the eating disorder serves in your life. It is helpful in this process of assessing your reasons, motivations, and choices to make a list of all the things that you believe your eating disorder provides to you. For instance, maybe your eating disorder provides you with a sense of protection, with a simple system to make sense of life’s complexities, with clear-cut daily goals….just make your list, and continue adding to it as new ideas arise.

Next, it is time to look at the cost of life with an eating disorder. What has the eating disorder prevented you from experiencing, seeing, or doing? Who would you be close to if the eating disorder did not consume so much of your attention and time? Who else that is important to you is being affected by your eating disordered thoughts and behaviors in a way that makes you worry for their wellbeing even if you feel disconnected from worry or concern for your own?

You will always be able to find reasons to stay sick. And, if you look for them, you will always be able to find reasons to get better. Your recovery prognosis really comes down to one simple act – which set of reasons will you choose to follow?

At Southlake Counseling, we understand firsthand the devastating effect than an eating disorder can have both on your life and on the lives of those who love you. We are pioneers in providing state-of-the-art, clinically-proven treatments for eating disorders in the Lake Norman area because we believe that every person has the right and ability to say “no” to the slow death of an eating disorder and YES to their own unique and precious life. If you or someone you love is struggling with disordered eating or an eating disorder, please contact us today at www.southlakecounseling.com. We look forward to your call, email, or visit very soon!

Be Well,

Kimberly

Published on Monday November 30, 2009 in Eating Disorders and Monday Motivator. 0 Comments Tags: , , , , .

The Power of Self-Respect

Over the years, I have thought long and hard about why I “do what I do”. First, I fought through my own eight-year battle with an eating disorder, and the anxiety, depression, body image disturbance, and low self-esteem that came along for the ride. Next, I committed many years of my life to earning the professional education and clinical experience required to help others recover from their personal battles with mental illness and emotional disturbance.

As of today, I have eighteen years of  personal recovery history and almost two decades of professional clinical experience under my belt.  And today, I still feel just as passionate and committed to the work I do as I did on the day I first opened my practice.

Why?

For this one simple reason – I know that if I could heal, if I could overcome what held me back from saying YES to life, then I know that you can too!

As long as I have legs to stand, eyes to see, ears to listen, and hands to help, I will be honored and humbled each time I watch a new person walk into The Southlake Center with their head hung low, shoulders stooped, face dim, and heart heavy with hopelessness… because I know it is just a matter of time before I then get the privilege and joy of watching them walk OUT again with their head held high, shoulders squared confidently, face open to the joy of good days ahead, and heart light with hopefulness and excitement.

How do I know this will happen?

Because my own recovery journey has taught me about the power of self-respect.

Self-respect is only possible when we are able to look ourselves in our own eyes and say, “I am going to get through this, but I can’t do it alone. I need help, and I deserve help, and I will ask for the help I need so that one day I can turn around and help someone else who needs to know that they aren’t alone and that recovery is possible.”

Saying yes to getting the help you need is the first step to saying yes to your own self-respect. And saying yes to self-respect is the first step to saying YES to life!

Here at The Southlake Center, we celebrate the power of self-respect.

And we celebrate YOU.

Be Well.

Kimberly

Published on Monday October 19, 2009 in Wellness. 0 Comments Tags: , , .

The Shame About Shame in Mental Health Recovery

Shame. Just thinking the word brings a powerful experience of shame into our awareness.

We don’t even need to read the definition to know that shame is “a painful emotion caused by a strong sense of guilt, embarrassment, unworthiness, or disgrace” because we can feel it….feel its effects instantly. Like kryptonite, shame seeps into our being, sapping our sense of personal empowerment, our enthusiasm for life, our zest for self-discovery….and our dreams of recovery. In the wake of shame, we are left in the grips of a profound and enervating hopelessness that erases any recollection of why we ever thought we were worth recovering for in the first place.  

If you have personal mental health recovery experience, you have felt shame. You have most likely also been shamed by others who, in their ignorant but well-meaning attempts to motivate you to get better, have issued un-helpful advice like “just eat more!” and “snap out of it!”, and berated you for your seeming inability to “just get over” your issues with food, weight, body image, self-esteem, anxiety, depression……

This is exactly why it is so critical to say no to shame and say yes to knowledge as the first step to making real, lasting progress towards your recovery goals.

The more you learn, the less shame you feel. The more you learn, the less shaming you will tolerate from others, and the more you will be willing to educate yourself and others on the truth of mental illness. Most importantly, the more you learn, the more you can do to work towards your own recovery. Knowledge is a win-win for you and for everyone who cares about you – and where shame, like mental illness, kills, knowledge saves lives.

So here is what you need to know NOW to begin to replace shame with the factual knowledge that leads to lasting recovery.

Mental illnesses (including but not limited to eating disorders, anxiety, depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and body dysmorphic disorder) are at their core biological brain disorders.

These illnesses arise in large part due to genetic predisposition, and become greatly exacerbated in the presence of environmental triggers including but not limited to innate emotional vulnerability, experiences with personal trauma, grief, loss, unavoidable sudden change, and repeated exposure to our media’s focus on finding perfection in body image, career, love relationships, material possessions, and lifestyle.

Mental illness affects females and males of all ages, socioeconomic and cultural backgrounds – which is why there is no place in recovery work for the presence of shame. With the statistics* we have, chances are there is someone in your life who also struggles with mental illness…and the only reason you do not know of their battles, or they of yours, is due to shame.

Consider this example. We know so much more today than we did even five years ago about treating cancer, diabetes, and ADHD. Today, we would not dream of shaming a cancer patient for not being able to “just get rid of” the presence of cancerous cells in his body. We wouldn’t even think of shaming a diabetic for her inability to “just regulate” her insulin levels. Not a one of us would consider refusing further help or support or compassion to a child with ADHD because he can’t “just sit still already”!

So why do we persist in shaming ourselves – or in allowing ourselves to be shamed – for needing help and expert medical guidance to overcome the effects of the biological brain disregulation that is at the root of mental illness?

It is time to get smart about our disease. It is time to say yes to knowledge…so we can say no to shame, and yes to life!

Be Well.

Kimberly

*Eating disorders are responsible for the deaths of twelve times more females between the ages of 11 and 25 than any other mental illness-related disorder
*Depression affects an estimated 9% of the population in the United States
*Approximately 18% of adults suffer from anxiety; anxiety is the most common mental disorder in teens

Published on Monday October 19, 2009 in Mood Disorders. 0 Comments Tags: , , , .