Tag Archive for 'Eating Disorders'

Declaring Our Independence

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Each year on July 4th, I celebrate my independence from my eating disorder once again.

It doesn’t matter how many years have passed, or how many other (and possibly even greater) challenges I may have faced since then. I still celebrate my recovery from “Ed”, as many eating disorder sufferers today term their disease, with all the gusto and force of the newly recovered, hardly believing my good fortune, scarcely comprehending the courage in what I have just achieved.

“This,” I find myself thinking to myself once again, “is worth all the hard work and effort and the years of struggle it took to get here. This is worth the time, the expense, the pain and suffering of the in-between days when I was neither as sick as I had been nor as well as I might yet be.”

In other words, each year, and yet again, I rediscover that recovery is worth it.

There are so many incredible experiences that I have had since that I could never have had while I spent my days engaged in the endless ruminations over weight, calories, numbers, sizes, shapes, portions, and reflections in a coated aluminum pane of glass that my disease required of me.

There are so many bright lights, interesting sights, fascinating people, fun hobbies, rewarding work, and loving connections that I never was able to participate in while my time was wrapped up with “Ed.”

But I can and do participate in them now.

While today, on some level, it is hard to believe that it took me as long as it did to choose to work as hard as I knew I was capable of working towards my own recovery, I liken that to the process that one goes through from denial to acceptance when they are dying, whether it be an emotional or mental, or a true physical death. 

Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross writes about this process when she outlines her research into the Five Stages of Grief, which are denial, anger, bargaining, grief, and acceptance. I went through all of these stages, and sometimes out of order, and definitely multiple times, on my own path towards choosing and then achieving recovery. Some days I was very accepting of the fact that I was ill and needed to work hard and follow the advice of my treatment team in order to heal. Other days I was not as accepting, for whatever reason, whether it was because I was scared I wouldn’t know who I was without a day consumed by “Ed,” or whether it was because I didn’t feel quite as sick that day and I thought that maybe it wasn’t as serious as my team had made it out to be.

There were also many other reasons.

But whatever the reason, I grieved, erratically but in time fully, and when at last I woke up one day to discover that I had been in sustained recovery for quite some number of days, I felt the impact of the independence I had won for the very first time.

In those first moments of awareness, all the fireworks on the planet would not have been enough to express my triumph, or my joy. Every Fourth of July since then, as the fireworks explode overhead, another, identical set of fireworks explodes in my heart, and I count my blessings, and I thank myself yet again for displaying the bravery and the perseverance and the vision to pursue my recovery like my life depended on it….because it did.

Looking back, I can see that now. Even if I had managed to survive the ravages of my eating disorder and somehow settle into “maintain,” I would not have been living. I would have been existing, trapped in a cycle of endless painful application for acceptance from a part of me that would never willingly have given it, no matter how nicely I asked.

Today, I can ask for and receive my own acceptance, and all in the space of a few moments. I have learned how to extend the same kindness and compassion that I offer to others to myself as well. No longer do I find my principle source of self-esteem in what I achieve, but rather I take it genuinely from not even who I am, but from the simple fact that I am.

I am a human being. I have faced death, and not just physical death but death of all my hopes and dreams, and I have survived. Not only have I survived, but I have won my independence. Today my work and my passion is to share with others what I have discovered about the power of the human spirit to not just survive but to triumph over adversity. Through my work, through how I live my life, and most of all through how I celebrate the Fourth of July each year, I am living proof that recovery is not just possible, but real.

And I wish the same for you.

If you are struggling to overcome a significant life challenge such as an eating disorder, and you don’t want to wait until the next Fourth of July to get started towards your goal, then Southlake Counseling can help. At Southlake Counseling, we not only have more than two decades of training and expertise that supports us in our life-changing work, but each member of our staff also brings to the table their own personal experience of recovering from a significant life challenge. In other words, we get it, we have been there, we understand what it takes, and we can help you to get there too. If you are ready to say “no” to staying stuck and say “yes” to celebrating your independence, we look forward to hearing from you! Contact us at www.southlakecounseling.com for more information.

Be Well,

Kimberly

 

 

Published on Thursday July 7, 2011 in Eating Disorders. 0 Comments Tags: , , , .

Your Say Yes to Life Monday Motivator: The Importance of Following Your Dreams

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Marianne Williamson once wrote, “…as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.”

A few years ago, I received a note from a former client. In her letter, she wrote to me, “Kimberly, thank you for following your dreams, therefore providing me a safe place to recover.”

When I first conceived the idea to use my own experiences recovering from an eating disorder to open a treatment center to help others heal, was I a bit daunted by my dream?

Absolutely.

Were there days I thought, “what was I thinking – I must have been crazy. I just can’t make this work.”

Of course.

Did I quake in my own shoes a bit as I commenced to learning what I needed to know about choosing a location, hiring and managing staff, learning about financials and recordkeeping, marketing and public relations, and designing the kind of program I would have wanted to attend when I was in the midst of my own healing journey?

Without a shadow of a doubt.

Yet today, Southlake Counseling has been in existence for more than 12 years, and we have helped literally hundreds and hundreds of people reach for their dreams within the safety and support of our walls.

It is important to follow our dreams. We all have dreams, and in those dreams, we see the very pinnacle of who we can be, expressed as that stretch-goal we call a dream….the one we think is very nearly impossible but which simply will not go quietly away.

Our dreams show us who we really are, and what we are truly capable of.

The only obstacle standing in between us and the culmination of those dreams exists in our own minds, in the place that insists, “But that is impossible. You can’t do that.”

To which we eventually must say, “Oh really? Says who!” if we want to ever have the opportunity of a lifetime to live out our own vision for who we are.

This is why we are so addicted to reality television. We see other people going for it, succeeding, crashing and burning, getting up, trying again. We see that their motivation, be it money, fame, self esteem, health, love, self expression through the arts, seeing the world, is so powerful that they are willing to expose their innermost intimate thoughts and fears in front of us all in order to reach for their dreams…..just so they can know if it was really possible to be all they can be or not.

This is also why we are alternately horrified or inspired by their example, depending on where we are in our relationship to our own unexpressed dreams.

It can be such a rush to celebrate a hero, but at some point our longing awakens to be the hero we are celebrating.

This is why the note I received from that former client was so meaningful to me. It is why I love the quote from Marianne Williamson, because I can look back and see that all the courage and perseverance it took to follow my dream of opening Southlake Counseling has not only liberated me to embrace my highest vision for my own life as truth, but has liberated others to follow in my footsteps in their own lives, as I have followed in the footsteps of Marianne Williamson and others who came before to inspire me.

You never know who is watching – your spouse, your children, your best friend, your boss, your colleague, the homeless person on the corner, your own self – when you take your dreams by the hand and say “lead me there”.

You never know who you will inspire and liberate. You never know who you will meet – outside and within yourself – when you switch off the reality television show and jump in to live it for yourself.

At Southlake Counseling, we have a personalized “Say Yes to Life” Wellness Program that encompasses all facets of life from body to mind to heart to spirit. At Southlake Counseling, we define “wellness” as the pinnacle of your ability to say Yes to the challenges, choices, opportunities, and relationships in your own unique and unfolding life. Saying “Yes to Life” means saying Yes to placing your health and wellness goals first in your own life. When you are living in the presence of your own remarkable wellness, you can also fully enjoy and be present for your loved ones, your colleagues, your peers, your community, and your world. If you are dreaming of a life lived fully, contact us today to find out more about saying “Yes” to your dreams through a personalized wellness plan designed just for you. www.southlakecounseling.com

Be Well,

Kimberly

Published on Monday April 11, 2011 in Wellness. 0 Comments Tags: , , , .

Weekly Meditation: I Have the Right to Discover and Celebrate My Unique Beauty

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This week marks National Eating Disorders Awareness Week (February 20-26, 2011). During this week each year, we honor those who struggle to recover from life-threatening eating disorders, and we resolve to do what we can within our spheres of influence to create a space for all body shapes and sizes to be honored and appreciated for the unique beauty they convey. We can start with ourselves. We can start by noticing where we are tempted to see the absence of beauty in ourselves and others, and strive to perceive its presence instead.

This week I resolve to: Remember that I bring a unique and unrepeatable beauty into this world, and I deserve to celebrate and enjoy this beauty, and encourage others to see and celebrate their unique beauty as well.


Published on Thursday February 24, 2011 in Eating Disorders. 0 Comments Tags: , , , .

Your Say Yes to Life Monday Motivator: Emotions and Food – Friends or Enemies?

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We all know what it is like to have a love-hate relationship with someone.

Or something.

One minute, this is the best thing that ever happened to us. Thank goodness for whatever-it-is. The next minute, we can’t imagine how we will survive another minute without changing everything about our situation as it relates to that someone or something.

This is what it is like trying to introduce emotions to nutrition, and nutrition to emotion. Some days, our emotions and our eating habits may feel in sync and balanced. Other days, well….we get to the end of the day and look back at our food choices and eating patterns in wonder – or shock.

We may not perceive it right from the start, but we eat for so many reasons. Some of our reasons are nutritional. We are concerned about the strength of our bones so we eat foods rich in calcium. We are concerned about our digestion so we add more fiber choices to our diet.

But then other times our reasons for eating are emotional. We are feeling victorious or overjoyed, and so we eat to celebrate with ourselves. We are feeling sad or fearful, and so we eat to commiserate with ourselves.

How do we learn to tell the difference? Why would we want to? Does it really matter why we’re eating – if we eat, we must be hungry, right?

Well, yes. If we eat, we are definitely hungry….on some level, and for something.

But the trick to consumption is to figure out what we are hungry for, and then to “eat” that, and not something else.

For instance, if our body is hungry for nutritious food, it is wise to eat that food and give our body what it needs and requires to function optimally. But if our emotions or hearts are hungry for a hug, for company, for rest, then eating food is not the wise choice, and will leave us even hungrier in a way that no amount of food can fill.

When we eat for emotional instead of nutritional reasons, this is called “emotional eating.”

While the presence of a strong emotion can trigger a feeling of “hunger,” if we pay close attention, our experience of this type of hunger is not the same as the physical empty feeling we get when our body needs fuel.

It may not be easy at first to distinguish emotional hunger from physical hunger, but it is a skill we can learn with time and practice. According to the University of Texas Counseling and Mental Health Center website, there are several key signs to help us tell the difference between different types of hunger:

  1. Emotional hunger comes on suddenly, while physical hunger builds more gradually
  2. Emotional hunger tends to fixate on a ‘comfort food’ (ice cream, chips, etc), while physical hunger tends to focus on foods with distinct nutritional value
  3. Emotional hunger will not wait; physical hunger usually will
  4. Emotional hunger doesn’t respect fullness cues; physical hunger does
  5. Emotional hunger often leaves guilt in its wake; physical hunger leaves comfort and peace

Using these clues, we can start to decipher why we choose to eat, and why we make the food choices that we do. We can become students of our hunger and fullness cues, our body’s needs, and our other needs for nourishment and nurturing that food cannot fulfill.

In this way, we can begin to once again experience the kitchen, the dining room table, the coffee shop, as a safe place to be, and even feel grateful for food’s role and presence in our lives to sustain the body within which our emotional life plays out.

We can “eat” in healthy ways for our body and our mind. We can sit with ourselves in the presence of our emotions and exhibit patience to seek out the appropriate type of nurturing rather than rushing to food as a quick fix. We can move towards our physical health and fitness goals at an equal pace as we move towards our emotional health and fitness goals.

We can feel confident and comfortable in our own skin on every level of our being.

If you are struggling to relate to food in a healthy, self-nurturing way, Southlake Counseling can help. Our evidence-based, empirically-supported nutrition and eating disorders programs provide you with the skills and tools you need to feel confident both in the kitchen and in the rhythm of your daily emotional life. Our skilled and compassionate professional staff has more than two decades of experience facilitating individual transformation in the areas of recovery, health, and wellness. If you are ready to say “no” to emotional eating and “yes” to healthy, balanced, living, visit us at www.southlakecounseling.com to learn more!

Be Well,

Kimberly

Published on Monday February 7, 2011 in Eating Disorders. 0 Comments Tags: , , , .

Your Say Yes to Life Monday Motivator: Fat Talk Free®Week – A Message of Hope for All of Us!

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Many women I speak with each week about disordered eating, body image, and eating disorders are mothers. Or daughters. Or sisters. Or best friends. Or all of the above.

Each woman is grappling with her own perceptions of the obstacles that stand between her and feeling at home in her own skin. I notice that most are also concerned with how their inability to do so may be affecting those whom they love most – their mothers, their sisters, their daughters, their best friends.

While any lasting, worthwhile change usually cannot occur overnight, and may take weeks, months, or even years to fully bear fruit, there are efforts going on right now to ensure that the legacy we leave for each other and for future generations treads more kindly on our perception of our body’s unique and worthwhile beauty, just as it is.

That is not to say that we can’t all do our part to learn how to take the very best care we can of our physical body, one step at a time, and many women who come to Southlake Counseling come because they want to do just that. But this movement takes us beyond our individual efforts and into a societal shift that will make this process easier – and more fun – for all of us.

Take “Strong is the New Thin,” for instance. This is a Facebook-based movement that repositions physical health and strength as an admirable, desirable goal.

Or the emerging “real women” and “authentic women” monikers, meant to denote a woman who is beautiful in her outside-the-thin-box skin.

One of my personal favorites is “Fat Talk Free® Week,” an annual week-long event spearheaded by a partnership between the team that wrote the Reflections: Body Image Curriculum and Tri-Delta Sorority.

The event began a few years ago as a way to promote the curriculum’s scientifically-measurable ability to boost body esteem among sorority women. Now it has caught on at a national level, moving its social media and promotion headquarters to Facebook and digging in its heels to reach out to women of all ages, shapes, and sizes with a message that it is not okay to say no to your own unique beauty.

Fat Talk Free® Week is coming up again this year October 18-22, 2010, and I want to encourage all of you to be a part. You don’t need to wear anything special, buy anything special, or do anything special – other than cutting out all “fat talk” from your life for one short week, and encouraging others you care about to do the same.

Part of saying YES to life is saying NO to the things – and the words – that keep your spirit, mind, and heart feeling small, stuck, and discouraged. “Fat talk,” as I often mention privately to individuals who come to me for counseling support, is a short, straight road to low body- and self-esteem, which then leads to depression, discouragement, and repetition of the same disordered eating thoughts and behaviors we are working so hard to overcome.

So for one week, let us practice saying YES to life together by cutting out “fat talk” from our vocabularies. We can start by finding other ways to compliment our female (and male!) friends and family members. Instead of complimenting them in body-based ways, we can spend an extra moment to think of something else nice to say.

In this way, we can make a commitment to moderate the thoughts in our heads before they emerge from our tongues as words, asking ourselves, “is it kind to me? is it kind to others?” before we speak.

We can also make it a practice to journal out a few short notes at the end of each day of Fat Talk Free® Week, asking ourselves how we are feeling about our bodies and ourselves after abstaining from esteem-damaging fat talk over the past several hours. Do we feel more hopeful? More secure? More self-loving? More inclusive and accepting of others?

And if we like what a week of conversation with no references to “I really shouldn’t eat that” or “Thanks for the compliment but I think this blouse makes me look lumpy,” then we can choose to keep it going!

So as we embark upon this week-long adventure together, I would love to hear your experiences of Fat Talk Free® Week – and please feel welcome to share them day by day by posting your comments here!

Remember, saying YES to life starts by saying NO to those things that would keep us from the fullness of recovery, health, and wellness that we dream of. If we can dream it, we can do it – now all that is left is to say YES to it and begin. If you need extra support to be able to say YES out loud and “go for it” to build the healthy, wonderful life you are dreaming of, contact us at www.southlakecounseling.com today. We look forward to helping you reach for and achieve all of your recovery, health, and wellness dreams!

Be Well,

Kimberly

Published on Monday September 27, 2010 in Eating Disorders. 0 Comments Tags: , , , .