Archive for the 'Wellness' Category

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Your Say Yes to Life Monday Motivator: The Importance of Following Your Dreams

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Marianne Williamson once wrote, “…as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.”

A few years ago, I received a note from a former client. In her letter, she wrote to me, “Kimberly, thank you for following your dreams, therefore providing me a safe place to recover.”

When I first conceived the idea to use my own experiences recovering from an eating disorder to open a treatment center to help others heal, was I a bit daunted by my dream?

Absolutely.

Were there days I thought, “what was I thinking – I must have been crazy. I just can’t make this work.”

Of course.

Did I quake in my own shoes a bit as I commenced to learning what I needed to know about choosing a location, hiring and managing staff, learning about financials and recordkeeping, marketing and public relations, and designing the kind of program I would have wanted to attend when I was in the midst of my own healing journey?

Without a shadow of a doubt.

Yet today, Southlake Counseling has been in existence for more than 12 years, and we have helped literally hundreds and hundreds of people reach for their dreams within the safety and support of our walls.

It is important to follow our dreams. We all have dreams, and in those dreams, we see the very pinnacle of who we can be, expressed as that stretch-goal we call a dream….the one we think is very nearly impossible but which simply will not go quietly away.

Our dreams show us who we really are, and what we are truly capable of.

The only obstacle standing in between us and the culmination of those dreams exists in our own minds, in the place that insists, “But that is impossible. You can’t do that.”

To which we eventually must say, “Oh really? Says who!” if we want to ever have the opportunity of a lifetime to live out our own vision for who we are.

This is why we are so addicted to reality television. We see other people going for it, succeeding, crashing and burning, getting up, trying again. We see that their motivation, be it money, fame, self esteem, health, love, self expression through the arts, seeing the world, is so powerful that they are willing to expose their innermost intimate thoughts and fears in front of us all in order to reach for their dreams…..just so they can know if it was really possible to be all they can be or not.

This is also why we are alternately horrified or inspired by their example, depending on where we are in our relationship to our own unexpressed dreams.

It can be such a rush to celebrate a hero, but at some point our longing awakens to be the hero we are celebrating.

This is why the note I received from that former client was so meaningful to me. It is why I love the quote from Marianne Williamson, because I can look back and see that all the courage and perseverance it took to follow my dream of opening Southlake Counseling has not only liberated me to embrace my highest vision for my own life as truth, but has liberated others to follow in my footsteps in their own lives, as I have followed in the footsteps of Marianne Williamson and others who came before to inspire me.

You never know who is watching – your spouse, your children, your best friend, your boss, your colleague, the homeless person on the corner, your own self – when you take your dreams by the hand and say “lead me there”.

You never know who you will inspire and liberate. You never know who you will meet – outside and within yourself – when you switch off the reality television show and jump in to live it for yourself.

At Southlake Counseling, we have a personalized “Say Yes to Life” Wellness Program that encompasses all facets of life from body to mind to heart to spirit. At Southlake Counseling, we define “wellness” as the pinnacle of your ability to say Yes to the challenges, choices, opportunities, and relationships in your own unique and unfolding life. Saying “Yes to Life” means saying Yes to placing your health and wellness goals first in your own life. When you are living in the presence of your own remarkable wellness, you can also fully enjoy and be present for your loved ones, your colleagues, your peers, your community, and your world. If you are dreaming of a life lived fully, contact us today to find out more about saying “Yes” to your dreams through a personalized wellness plan designed just for you. www.southlakecounseling.com

Be Well,

Kimberly

Published on Monday April 11, 2011 in Wellness. 0 Comments Tags: , , , .

Wake Up and Smell the…Snowflakes?

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Not every one of us lives in a region of the world where it snows. For those of us who are accustomed to snowfall, we may be so used to seeing this phenomenon that we turn an un-wondering eye to the infinite variety of snowflakes as they fall. And for those of us who rarely see snowfall, we may be too caught up in our wonder of the snowdrifts themselves to notice the role of each individual flake.

But each single snowflake is utterly unique. Each snowflake does its part to create a winter wonderland, and without any one of those flakes, the snowfall would be incomplete. In the same way, each one of us looks, feels, acts, and lives in our own unique way. Were we even for one second to choose not to play our part, to participate in the grand snowfall of human life happening all around us, all of humanity would be the poorer for it.

Today’s Affirmation: Today, I take time to appreciate my uniqueness, the necessity and rightness of my beingness, and the wonder that there is a ME in this world, and that I get to play that part!



Published on Thursday December 23, 2010 in Wellness. 0 Comments Tags: , .

‘Tis Always the Season for Forgiveness

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Forgiveness can be an un-gentle topic – especially in a time of year when we are striving with extra-special effort to feel charitable towards others and ourselves. We can be tempted to hurry ourselves along through the process of forgiveness in order to exude the kind of good cheer we think the season requires of us. But forgiveness takes the time it takes in any season of the year. So this week, take some time to identify relationships or situations that carry with them some unresolved stress, and remind yourself that you are entitled to feel your feelings, to process your pain, and to engage in the five stage grief process of denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, and letting go until forgiveness flows naturally rather than feeling forced.

Today’s Affirmation: I don’t have to rush myself through the process of forgiveness just because it is the holidays. I can take my time, feel my feelings, and let go of un-forgiveness as I feel ready.


Published on Wednesday December 15, 2010 in Wellness. 0 Comments Tags: , .

Your Say Yes to Life Monday Motivator: The Help We Need…and the Help We Don’t

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This month, we have been discussing the process of asking for help. So far, we have broken this process down into three discrete events – noticing when we need help, asking for the help we need, and accepting that help when it arrives.

The fourth and final facet of asking for help comes as we learn to discern the help we need from the help we don’t. So in this final blog post in our “asking for help” series, we will examine what to do with offers for help we don’t need.

Imagine for a moment that you’ve been lost in the desert. You have been wandering around, looking for water. Everywhere you look, what appears to be a water source turns into yet another mirage. Finally, after days of wandering, you at last see a source of genuine water up ahead. You walk closer, closer, you break into run…..only to pull yourself up short when you realize….it’s the ocean.

You’ve found water, just not the right kind.

Accepting offers of help we don’t need is like drinking salty ocean water to quench our thirst. It is not only unproductive – it can be downright dangerous as well.

Furthermore, it is disrespectful to ourselves, because if we have made it this far in this blog series, we have earned our “asking for help” stripes, and we know when we need help and when we don’t, and what we need it for. We may even be starting to get comfortable with accepting help when it arrives.

But what do we do with help we simply don’t need? And why might we accept help we don’t need?

Let’s take an example. Let’s say that last weekend you had your pre-wedding shower. This afternoon, your soon-to-be mother-in-law with the illegible handwriting offers to help you write your wedding shower thank you notes….and you don’t know how to respond. On the one hand, you don’t want to do anything to damage a new family connection that will be in your life for years to come. Yet this will double your workload, and with all you still have to do to prepare for the wedding, you can already visualize yourself spending precious free time surreptitiously re-writing dozens of thank you cards and sneaking out to the mail box to pop them in when your mother-in-law-to-be isn’t looking.

So what should you do?

You could certainly graciously decline her offer, and explain that you already have everything well in hand. But the truth is, you don’t. You do need help in plenty of other areas as you prepare for your upcoming wedding – yet clearly the task she has volunteered to help you with is not the right task for her. So how about finding something else – some other way that your new mother-in-law could be of service?

One strategy you could try follows a simple four step approach I have often suggested to clients over the years:

  1. Thank the offering individual sincerely for their offer of help
  2. Let them know you will think about it, and get back with them
  3. In the meantime (or on the spot if something comes to mind right away) decide if there is something they could do that would truly help you, and if so, let them know what it is and ask if they would be willing to offer that help instead
  4. If the answer to number three above is a simple “no”, communicate that to them with gratitude and let them know you will surely contact them if you need help with that task or others in the future.

As we learn and practice new skills for how to identify and accept the help we do need, and how to graciously redirect or decline the help we do not need, we can begin to feel truly empowered in our relationships with ourselves and others.

At Southlake Counseling, we offer a wealth of personalized individual and group support services to help individuals just like you learn to access the courage and power to navigate your need for help self-supportively and effectively. If you are struggling to say no and yes to offers of help in self-respecting, empowering ways, we encourage you to contact us at www.southlakecounseling.com.

Be Well,

Kimberly


Published on Monday November 15, 2010 in Wellness. 0 Comments Tags: , , .

Your Say Yes to Life Monday Motivator: How to Accept Help

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In the first two blog posts in our “asking for help” series this month, we discussed how we can re-activate our felt sense of needing help, and from there learn skills to ask for the help we need.

In this third post in our series, we will discuss the actual process of how we can get comfortable with accepting help when it is offered.

We may have allowed ourselves to get so wrapped up in our awareness of not being able to ask for help, or our belief that nobody around us is willing to offer help, that we have failed to recognize that we don’t feel comfortable accepting help.

Chances are, that is just because we have long since fallen out of practice.

But regardless of the reason, if we feel uncomfortable with accepting help, we may get all the way through the process of rekindling our awareness of when we need help, learning how to effectively ask for help, and then still not be able to actually accept the help we need when it is offered!

In my experience working with individuals who want to relearn how to ask for and accept help, this final phase is actually where many of us struggle the most.

As we make our way through today’s do-it-yourself culture, for many of us it truly is uncomfortable to allow ourselves to receive help! It doesn’t feel right, or normal, or natural, or comfortable – and women in particular may worry all the way through the process about imposing too much, asking too much, or being beholden to “return the favor,”  in the process adding so much extra work to our own plate that asking for help really does start to become as unproductive as we feared it would be!

So we have to start now – before we even ask for the help we need – to get comfortable with receiving it once it arrives.

We can do this in a number of ways. I have often found that visualization seems to work well as a tool to prepare ourselves for accepting help. It seems that when we feel prepared for the outcome of our actions, we are more ready to accept the end result when it arrives. So if we can visualize ourselves accepting help before it even arrives, we are more likely to recognize ourselves in that role when we are actually standing in the receiver’s shoes, and more likely to favorably experience what it feels like to accept help.

In this way, we can also give our imagination something productive to do. Our imagination is usually all too ready to dish out vivid mental pictures of how disastrous asking for and accepting help might be. With constructive, proactive visualization strategies, we can preempt its regularly scheduled programming and put it to work visualizing positive outcomes instead!

So this week, as you are building on what you have learned about recognizing when you need help, and asking for that help, also make sure to visualize yourself accepting that help when it comes. Visualize how you will express your gratitude (to avoid adding stress to the process, be sure to choose something simple, like saying a genuine “thank you” or sending a sweet short note). Imagine the process of how you will show the other person what you need, including giving them any instructions they might need in order to provide help. Think of what you will do with the energy and time you freed up by not trying to arm wrestle the problem to the floor all by yourself.

Then give yourself a hug and a warm smile full of gratitude for being willing to accept the gift of help when it is offered! This is a courageous act, and you deserve your own gratitude for stepping out of your comfort zone to notice when you need help, ask for that help, and accept it when it is offered.

If you notice you are struggling with accepting help, and you feel uncomfortable allowing yourself to accept help even when it is offered, please consider contacting Southlake Counseling. In more than two decades I have personally assisted hundreds of people to learn how to accept the help both easefully and gracefully. If they can do it, you can too. Southlake Counseling’s staff of caring, highly trained professionals can help you begin to say no to the exhaustion and frustration of withholding help from yourself, and YES to joyfully embracing the help you need and deserve. Visit us today at www.southlakecounseling.com

Be Well,

Kimberly


Published on Monday November 8, 2010 in Wellness. 0 Comments Tags: , , .