Archive for the 'Eating Disorders' Category

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Your “Say Yes to Life” Monday Motivator: Finding a Reason to Recover, Part III

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I hope you have been enjoying this three-part series on Finding a Reason to Recover. To recap, in Part I, we explored what a “reason” is and how to decipher the reasons we have for the choices we make. In Part II, we looked at the word “choice” and how the very natural human emotion of fear factors into the choices we make to stay stuck or move forward.

For the conclusion of our series, we will explore what it means to “recover”. Accepted definitions of this word include: “to get back, regain, to compensate for, recover losses from.” 

These definitions might resonate if we developed an eating disorder as an adult, and we have strong memories of what life was like, what we were like, and who we were before the eating disorder set in.

But what if we have been struggling with the eating disorder for so long that we can no longer recall who we were or who we could be again without that influence controlling our lives? Or what if we were very young when we first became ill, and today contemplating life without the eating disorder feels identical to contemplating life without….us?

In this context, recovery can feel like a scary, even impossible, concept to grasp.

So here is where we must start pulling together our reasons and our choices to stay stuck or break free and assemble them on the foundation of our sense of self – our personal identity. If we don’t have a personal identity, or don’t remember it anymore, then here is where we must start, because the simple truth is that we cannot recover, regain, or get back anything if we don’t know what – or who – we have lost.

If you enjoyed significant time free from your eating disorder before you became ill, then now is the time to put your memory to work and remember what life was like. What were you like? What did you enjoy doing? What did you look forward to? Whose company did you seek out? What did you think about when you woke up in the morning and went to sleep at night? How did you spend your time and energy? What were you curious about, fascinated with, interested in? Who were you? So spend some quality time this week getting to know you B.E.D. – Before Eating Disorder.

If you developed the eating disorder before you had a strong sense of self, then examine the people around you, especially the people whom you value the most and look up to. What do they enjoy doing? What do you admire about them? If you could be anybody, go anywhere, do anything, who/where/what would you turn your attention to? What causes move your heart? What makes you long to reach out and help someone else? Whose friendship do you enjoy and why? What societal groups tug at your heart strings and why? Who could you be – who would you be – if you had time and energy free from managing the demands of your eating disorder to be YOU? Spend some time envisioning you A.E.D. – After Eating Disorder.

Understand as you do this wonderful, vital work of reconstructing “you” free from the eating disorder’s influence that the priceless gift hidden within the hard work of recovery is the opportunity to wipe the slate clean – or to keep what is good from your past and discard what is harmful now and replace it with something better. You can literally create a fascinating new reality for yourself built on the strength of your determination to overcome your life-threatening disease and the knowledge that if you can recover from an eating disorder, you can do anything you set your heart and mind to achieve.

This is the best reason to do the hard work of recovery that you will ever find. Inherent in choosing to recover is the knowledge that you are worth recovering for, that life is worth recovering for, that you matter, and that there is a place for you and work that only you can do in this world. And even if you don’t feel that way now, don’t believe that now, or don’t see that in yourself now, if you long to be able to one day, then that is a good enough reason to invest the time and energy you have been giving to your eating disordered thoughts and behaviors into recovering from them instead.

Marian Wright Edelman, Founder and President of the Children’s Defense Fund, said it best when she stated, “It is time for every one of us to roll up our sleeves and put ourselves at the top of our commitment list.”

She didn’t say “when we feel like it, when we believe it is okay, when we have earned it.” She simply said “It is time” to do it. Now. Today.

It is always a good day to choose to recover. At Southlake Counseling Center, we know exactly how much courage, determination, and vision that decision requires, and we have dedicated our lives to supporting you in your recovery journey as we first were supported by caring and skilled others in ours. So contact us today at www.southlakecounseling.com to find out how to make 2010 the year that you say “goodbye” to your eating disorder and YES to your own precious, purposeful, and powerful life!

Be Well,

Kimberly

Published on Monday December 14, 2009 in Eating Disorders and Monday Motivator. 0 Comments Tags: , , .

Your “Say Yes to Life” Monday Motivator: Finding a Reason to Recover, Part II

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In the first part of our exploration of finding a reason to do the hard work of recovery, we investigated the meaning and purpose of reasons themselves. What is a “reason”? How do we begin to uncover our reasons for staying sick, and our reasons for getting well? Perhaps most importantly, what recourse do we have if and when we discover our reasons for staying sick conflict with our reasons for getting well?

In this second part of our exploration, we will look at the word “choice”. The most commonly accepted definition of this word is “the power, right, or liberty to choose; option”. Yet in many cases, the power of choice feels less like a right or liberty and more like a burden or obligation.

So stop for a moment now and think of how you commonly experience choice in your life. Does choice feel like a human right, a liberty, an option you have for exercising your own powerful, personal freedom? Or does choice feel like a burden, an obligation, an exercise in overcoming almost impenetrable fear?

Eleanor Roosevelt, a strong and empowered woman who lived through one of the most tumultuous times in American history as she supported her husband in rebuilding the hopes and dreams of a nation wrecked by economic depression, is famous for her choice to maintain her personal optimism in the face of the direst of circumstances. She once stated, “The purpose of life, after all, is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.”

While it is unlikely that any of us will ever make a decision to “reach out eagerly” and not encounter fear, Mrs. Roosevelt’s statement points to the possibility that this experience is not impossible to achieve – but it is also not going to be easy to attain.

The simple fact is that each and every day we encounter many reasons that could support our choice to stay stuck, and we encounter just as many reasons to choose to pursue health, recovery, and wellness…and it is our power of personal choice alone that will determine which path we will take.

So the challenge then becomes to decide what is in it for us to make one choice over another.

As I have had the privilege of working with so many individuals over the years, it has become clear to me that human beings are most likely to choose positive change when the pain of staying stuck exceeds the perceived pain of breaking free.  I have witnessed how each of us, over time, develops a sense of our own personal pain threshold – the line in the sand over which we may be willing to step if the pain of staying stuck outweighs the fear of trying something new. This personal pain threshold is determined by our cumulative past experiences of hope, joy, triumph, frustration, disappointment, and emotional injury. When staying stuck does not inflict enough pain to push us above our personal pain threshold set point, we will most likely choose to maintain our status quo. However, when staying stuck pushes us past our own personal pain threshold, we may actually experience that we have no choice but to step across that line and try something new.

So now it is time to contemplate the impact it will have on your life if you exercise your human right and option to choose to stay stuck in close companionship with your eating disordered thoughts and behaviors. You can contemplate or even journal about how your own choice not to do the hard work of recovery will impact your life, your relationships, your career, your daily life, your valued activities.

Next, you can consider and jot down your thoughts about the impact to your life if you choose to invest your time and energy into meeting your recovery, health, and wellness goals.

Now, take a look at what is on either side of your line in the sand determine where your current pain threshold is. If you find that your threshold is not activated enough to make the choice to do the hard work of choosing recovery, then ask yourself what kind of support you need to help you access your human right to choose to give yourself the gift of recovered life.

 At Southlake Counseling, we have both the expert training and the firsthand experience to know that you have the power to say “no” to living with an eating disorder and YES to recovered life – whether you begin your recovery journey believing that recovery is possible for you or not. We also have more than two decades of clinical expertise in implementing the very latest treatment methods for helping our clients to achieve and even exceed their recovery, health, and wellness goals. Most importantly, over the last two decades, we have had the privilege of witnessing thousands of courageous individuals like you harnessing the power of professional support to help them break free from their fears and limitations and break through to recovered life. 

So this holiday season, visit us at www.southlakecounseling.com and give yourself the most precious gift of all –the gift of choosing YOU!

Be Well,

Kimberly

Published on Monday December 7, 2009 in Eating Disorders and Monday Motivator. 0 Comments Tags: , , , .

Holiday Meal Planning

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Thanksgiving is over – but the Christmas holiday is only just beginning.  Stores are packed, UPS and FedEx are working overtime and holiday baking is in full swing.  Amidst this exciting, yet often chaotic time of year, it is important to remember to stick to a healthy overall meal plan, to keep your energy levels up and immunity strong.  Nourishing yourself with healthy foods, along with getting regular moderate intensity physical activity and plenty of sleep and relaxation time are usually your best bets to warding off sicknesses, managing stress and maintaining your energy levels.

Speaking of immunity, if you still have Thanksgiving leftovers in the refrigerator, it is past time to throw them out.  According to the US Department of Agriculture (USDA), cooked meat and poultry leftovers are only fresh in the refrigerator for about 3-4 days.  Cooked stuffing is fresh about 3-4 days, too.  Gravy is only good for 1-2 days, so definitely throw any away if it is still lingering in your refrigerator.  For more information on food storage safety, visit http://www.foodsafety.gov.

As for the rest of your meal plan, too often, Americans throw a healthy meal plan out the window when the holidays arrive.  However, try to avoid the “all or nothing” mentality.  You can still enjoy a few indulgences here and there, while sticking to an underlying healthy meal plan.  For instance, it is fine to sample the holiday treats that local stores may offer, such as hot chocolate, cookies and pastries.  And, it is even fine to purchase a few for you and your friends or family to enjoy together.  Your body will best manage these discretionary (extra) calories if you are healthy and managing your weight with a basic healthy meal plan.

So, starting your day with a balanced breakfast is a good way to begin.  Think whole grains (in cereals, English muffins, breads, bagels), fruits and proteins.  Combining proteins with carbohydrates at all meals and snacks is the best way to manage hunger and satiety levels, reducing the changes that you will have strong cravings or urges to overeat later in the day.  Popular, healthful breakfast proteins include lowfat dairy products (i.e. milk, yogurt and cheese), dairy alternatives (i.e. soymilk), peanut butter, eggs and egg whites, lean meats and meat alternatives (i.e. soy sausage).  You also get some protein from grains.  Many grain products like cold cereals and breakfast bars contain extra protein (often from milk or soy protein ingredients) and fiber, too.  Fiber is especially helpful in preventing disease and managing satiety levels.

So, as you prepare for a day at the office, at the mall or at home doing chores, remember to keep your breakfast balanced.  Continue to eat healthfully throughout the day, too, and know that in moderate amounts, your body will be able to handle some discretionary calories along the way.  As with any time of the year, we should all focus on balance, variety and moderation to keep us healthy.

Be well,

Julie

Published on Saturday December 5, 2009 in Eating Disorders, Julie Whittington and Nutrition. 0 Comments Tags: , , .

Your “Say Yes to Life” Monday Motivator: Finding a Reason to Recover, Part I

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If you have ever found yourself thinking (or saying), “I don’t have a reason to recover”, “I can’t find a reason to recover”, “What’s the point of recovering”, “I don’t feel worth recovering for”, then the first thing you need to know is that you are not alone.

Everyone who has ever tried to recover or emerge from some significant trial has felt this way at one time or another. It is part of the human condition – to struggle, to doubt, to rally, and, for those who persevere, to triumph.

But what sets those who eventually do triumph apart from the rest?

George Lucas, pioneer of one of the most beloved movie series of all times, gets right to the heart of the matter when he says, “You have to find something that you love enough to be able to take risks, jump over the hurdles and break through the brick walls that are always going to be placed in front of you. If you don’t have that kind of feeling for what it is you’re doing, you’ll stop at the first giant hurdle.”

In this first of a three-part series on “Finding a Reason to Recover”, we will look at the power inherent in reasons. But what is a “reason”? The most commonly accepted definition is that a reason is “the basis or motive for an action, decision, or conviction.”

So this basis or reason is where we start our journey. We start here because where we start is also what motivates us for every step we take after the first one. Once we understand this, it is easy to understand how where we start is often the greatest predictor for where we end up.

The good news is that our reasons can change over time, and when our reasons change, our prognosis and the outcome of our journey changes with it.

Using Star Wars giant George Lucas’ quote as a guide, let’s look at how reasons and, as Mr. Lucas says, “find[ing] something you love”, interact. The interesting thing about this dynamic duo is that, in the intersection of our motivation and emotion, there we also find CHOICE. This is what Mr. Lucas is referring to when he says that you have to find something that you love enough to take risks – risks to promote, protect, and preserve what you love, and risks to say no to what stands between you and the fulfillment and continued protection of that love.

Recently model Kate Moss was asked what her motto for life is. She replied, “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels”. This shocked the world, not just because Moss appears to be advocating for pro-eating disorder culture, but primarily because Kate Moss is a mother herself to a seven-year-old daughter.

This is what happens when we are not willing to acknowledge that all of life comes down to a series of choices, and that two opposing choices cannot continue to indefinitely occupy the same space. For instance, what is the prognosis for Moss to maintain her current stance in the future if her impressionable young daughter takes Mommy’s words to heart?

In other words, how will Moss’ reasons change when they begin to affect her own daughter?

For that matter, how will your own reasons change when you realize that, whether you currently believe you are worth recovering for – can recover – can even see the point of recovering – that you will never have the chance to find out if you don’t act NOW to save your own life?

So this is where we start. When interviewed, fully ninety percent of those who attempted suicide by leaping off of the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco and survived told their interviewer that they realized on the way down that the problems they were killing themselves to escape were really quite solvable.

The same goes for you. And for us all. Life hands us problems – that is part of what life does. How we respond, however, is up to us. We can choose to respond with hopelessness or with positive action, and our outcomes will differ accordingly. Your eating disorder is but one of many ways in which, in the past and possibly still in the present, you have chosen to respond to the stresses and unknowns of life. Maybe you believed – still believe – that the eating disorder was the only way that you could adequately cope with your daily life.

But there are other ways that you can learn for responding and managing life’s uncertainties, and they are available to you if you want to learn them. However, you can’t learn them until you know what function and role the eating disorder serves in your life. It is helpful in this process of assessing your reasons, motivations, and choices to make a list of all the things that you believe your eating disorder provides to you. For instance, maybe your eating disorder provides you with a sense of protection, with a simple system to make sense of life’s complexities, with clear-cut daily goals….just make your list, and continue adding to it as new ideas arise.

Next, it is time to look at the cost of life with an eating disorder. What has the eating disorder prevented you from experiencing, seeing, or doing? Who would you be close to if the eating disorder did not consume so much of your attention and time? Who else that is important to you is being affected by your eating disordered thoughts and behaviors in a way that makes you worry for their wellbeing even if you feel disconnected from worry or concern for your own?

You will always be able to find reasons to stay sick. And, if you look for them, you will always be able to find reasons to get better. Your recovery prognosis really comes down to one simple act – which set of reasons will you choose to follow?

At Southlake Counseling, we understand firsthand the devastating effect than an eating disorder can have both on your life and on the lives of those who love you. We are pioneers in providing state-of-the-art, clinically-proven treatments for eating disorders in the Lake Norman area because we believe that every person has the right and ability to say “no” to the slow death of an eating disorder and YES to their own unique and precious life. If you or someone you love is struggling with disordered eating or an eating disorder, please contact us today at www.southlakecounseling.com. We look forward to your call, email, or visit very soon!

Be Well,

Kimberly

Published on Monday November 30, 2009 in Eating Disorders and Monday Motivator. 0 Comments Tags: , , , .

Tips To Help You Manage Thanksgiving Menus and Appetites

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With Thanksgiving approaching, surely you have given some thought to your holiday menu.  Whether you are dining in or dining out, food seems to be the main reason we even celebrate Thanksgiving anymore.  Menus exist everywhere you turn.  From Martha Stewart to your internet home page, recipes and holiday tips abound, trying to either overdo or lighten your holiday food consumption.

When traditional Thanksgiving menus include all the favorites like turkey, sweet potato casserole, rolls, stuffing, potatoes, butter, gravy and pie, it is hard to fit in anything else – especially that chestnut butternut squash stuffing or broccoli cheese casserole which you found the recipes for just yesterday.  Grocery stores are filled to the brim with all the trimmings, too.  Holiday displays make them all the more enticing, encouraging you to buy more items.

But, taking a minute to step back and remember what Thanksgiving is all about does not hurt.  Sure, it sounds a bit cheesy, but taking the time to be thankful for all the foods we have available to us would not hurt.  And, what about the rest of the season?  After all, Thanksgiving and Christmas celebrations take up a good two to three months out of the year.  We do not have to overstuff ourselves this Thanksgiving and on December 25, simply to “fit in” all of the delicious foods the season has to offer.  Why not try one or two new recipes per week, knowing that what you do not eat today will still be around tomorrow.

As for Thanksgiving Day, remind yourself that small samples of a variety of foods are just fine and can fit into a balanced diet.  Our bodies will do a great job managing the food we eat, so long as we are healthy and remember the importance of moderation.  The bonus is that you can have lots of leftovers after Thanksgiving to enjoy the following weekend, thus saving on cooking time for guests and allowing your body to enjoy the flavors of the season without becoming so full that you feel ill.

So, try new recipes this Thanksgiving or stick to your traditional fare.  You may even wish to find ways to lighten your favorite recipes, making them more healthful.  Whichever route you take, balance the table and plate with a color of foods, just as you should the rest of the year.  If you enjoy the excitement of a table full of variety, then go for it.  Just remember to keep your hunger and satiety in check so as to avoid becoming uncomfortably full.  And, know that increasing the emphasis on the importance of gathering with family and friends may be more beneficial to the happiness of your loved ones than whether the turkey came out too dry or whether you had room on the table for another pecan pie.

Be Well,

Julie

Published on Friday November 13, 2009 in Eating Disorders and Julie Whittington. 0 Comments Tags: , .