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The Disease Concept of Addiction

For many addiction is a problem whether it be alcohol or drugs, pornograpy, gambling or shopping.. Many people strugging with their addiction also struggle with loved ones’ negative judgements about their addiction. I have heard many times either addicts or loved ones talk about their addiction as a “lack of will power” or being “morally corrupt.” Both these statements are not only harmful to the addict, but are also incorrect.

Addiction is a disease that has a natural course like any disease such as diabetes, asthma or cancer. If left untreated the addict will progress through various stages in their addiction with the final destination either being “jails, institutions, or death.”

E.M. Jellinek has done a lot of research on Alchoholism and has published the Jellinek Curve that outlines the various stages one with alcoholism goes through. Although each individual may not go through the stages in an exact succession such as 1-2-3, they will make a linear progression.

Since addiction is a disease, it is best treated through an approach that incorporates one’s spiritual, mental, physical and emotional needs. It is also a disease that effects the family and effective treatment should also incorporate the family as well as the individual.

Treatment should involve individual therapy, involvement in the 12-step community for the addict as well as the family and family therapy. Community 12-step meetings are available everywhere and at various times throughout the day, eliminating any excuses for not attending. Family members can be a healthy support by setting boundaries and acknowledging that addiction is a disease.

Shannon T. Brewer, M.A., L.P.A.

Published on Thursday October 1, 2009 in Addiction and Article. 0 Comments Tags: Shannon Brewer.

What are you waiting for?

Things aren’t going well for you, and you don’t really understand why. Compared to other people, your life isn’t all that bad, so why do you often feel like you are trudging through your days carrying a weight on your back? Do you ever really feel satisfied with anything?

At times it can seem that we go through life struggling through the motions in an effort to make things better, trying to feel more happiness or satisfaction, only to find that nothing we do brings us much pleasure – at least on a consistent basis. Quite often, the problem is that we constantly search outside ourselves for our sources of happiness—our jobs, our relationships, our material possessions, our own accomplishments or our children’s, or any number of “addictions” such as alcohol, food, shopping, gambling, or exercise. Only when we learn that our true source of lasting satisfaction and happiness is within us can we truly experience peace and joy—no matter what is going on around us.

Sounds simple, but how do we access that inner source of contentment? Is there some “secret” formula that we can use to help us understand what will make us happy? The answer is that only when we truly spend time and effort getting to know ourselves can we discover what we need to be happy. We call this knowledge “self-awareness,” and it is an elusive concept for many of us who have spent our lives trying to please other people or mold ourselves into what we think they expect of us.

To become more self-aware, you may first need to examine some of the common barriers to this kind of growth to ensure that you are ready to begin thinking in a different way. Change can be both exciting and frightening, as it may require us to leave old patterns behind. Here are some obstacles that can hinder growth toward greater self-awareness:

Denial – It’s nearly impossible to change if you don’t think you need to. Listen to the quiet voice inside yourself and to what your loved ones are saying. Get the support you need to see the truth.

Seeing yourself as a victim – If you’re always blaming others for your situation, you can’t become the empowered person you are meant to be.

Substance abuse – Your problems won’t go away until you are willing to face them without relying on chemicals to escape or avoid.

Fear – Acknowledge the frightened parts of yourself, praise your courage to examine your fear, and be as gentle with yourself as you would a friend.

Rage – Extreme anger signals a need to pay attention to our triggers, but sometimes we get stuck there. Accepting what we can’t change and working toward creative expression of our feelings can give us freedom.

Busyness – Constantly moving is a distraction and allows no time for the reflection that lays the foundation for self-awareness.

Defensiveness – If we accept the reality that humans make mistakes and can stop being defensive about what we judge as “wrong,” an ever-expanding life awaits.

Debbie Parrott, MSW, P-LCSW
Southlake Counseling

Published on Thursday October 1, 2009 in Article and Wellness. 0 Comments Tags: Debbie Parrott.

 Learn to Love Yourself the Just the Way You Are

But I Want Yours!

“I wish my hair was curly like yours!”

“No way!!! I wish I had beautiful straight hair like yours!”

This conversation is almost universal. It seems that we all want what we don’t have—or perceive that we don’t have. Whether it be straight or curly hair, blonde or brunette, blue-eyed or brown-eyed, tall or short, full-figured or thin, everyone seems to want what someone else has.

The problem with this phenomenon is that it leads to a negative body image. Instead of seeing yourself as beautiful, you see yourself in a negative way. You focus on what you don’t have instead of what you do have. This kind of comparison to others always leaves you feeling badly about yourself.

Why Does It Matter?

Having a good body image is good for your health. When you feel good about your body, you can feel good in other areas of your life. It works the same way with a negative body image—a bad image leads to feeling bad in other areas of your life. In fact, a negative body image can lead to many different problems such as:

Emotional distress
Low self-esteem
Anxiety
Depression
Eating disorders
And more

If you have a negative body image, you are not alone. And it is no wonder. Television commercials, print ads, movies, and even children’s toys bombard the population with the “perfect” body image—typically quite thin and young. These advertisements lead you to believe that if you aren’t the perfect shape, you will not find happiness, love, money, health, or enjoyment.

This message couldn’t be farther from the truth. You don’t need to have your body be a perfect shape—instead, you need to have a healthy body. And guess what? There is no perfect shape for health!

You don’t have to change your body to be happy. Instead, you simply need to change your mind!

Although this may take a bit of time and training, it is possible. And the outcome will be well worth the effort.

The first thing you need to do is realize that you have a unique body. There is not another one in the world that looks just like yours. Even if you are an identical twin, there will be some differences, no matter how small. Your unique body is your very own. No advertisement or friend or even family member can tell you what your body should be like. In the end, you only have to satisfy yourself. Yet still—this is no easy feat!

So the next step is to learn to stifle those negative thoughts. It is tempting at this point to try to come up with excuses for why this simply isn’t possible for you. If you catch yourself thinking in “Yes, but” terms, such as “Yes, but my unique body is too thin” or “Yes, but my unique body is too heavy” or “Yes, but those women in the advertisements really ARE beautiful” then you need to know that those “yes, buts” are bad news! They are nothing more than negative self-talk, and they will never get you to your goal of healthy body esteem.

Simple Steps for Increasing Positive Self-Talk

The only way to get rid of negative self talk is to replace it with positive self talk. Let’s learn how.

First, become aware of what you are saying to yourself each day. How many “Yes, buts”? How many negative things? The best way to figure this out is to write down what you say to yourself for a few days.
Now, take that list of negatives and write down a positive thought to replace the negative one. Be very specific. For example, if you said, “I hate the way I look. Everyone that sees me thinks I am ugly.” The positive could be something like, “I accept the way I look and focus on being the best me I can be.”
Your list will now have what you say most often to yourself as well as new things to say instead. It is time to cross out the negatives! Use a dark marker and cross through each negative thought while reminding yourself that you are choosing to think different thoughts from this moment on.
Read your positive statements several times every day. If you find that you have a negative thought in your head, simply tell yourself “STOP!” Then replace it with the positive thought you now have. If a new negative thought arises, write it down, come up with a positive and realistic thought to replace it, and then cross out the negative. Over time, the negative thoughts will happen less and less often and the positive thoughts will come to you effortlessly.

How you feel about yourself is something you CAN control. It is all up to you. Rather than see yourself through the eyes of a world overly-fixated on an artificial and narrow standard of body shape and size, see yourself through your own eyes and be happy with what you see. You can do it and you will be happy that you did.

Kimberly Krueger, MSW, LCSW is a therapist and the founder and director of Southlake Counseling and The Center for Self Discovery in Davidson, NC. Kimberly may be reached at kkrueger@centerforselfdiscovey.com. This article may be used but original content must be kept in tact and full credit must be given to author, including contact information.

Published on Monday September 28, 2009 in Article and Wellness. 0 Comments Tags: body image, Kimberly Krueger, Self-esteem.

Anorexia and Trauma: What Happens When Bad Things Happen to Good People

Trauma and Stress are Culprits

Though there is no one particular cause of anorexia nervosa, stressful and traumatic events can and often do play a role. Since events like this leave you feeling out of control, the need to regain control becomes paramount. For some people, overeating, or in the case of those who suffer from anorexia nervosa, restricting food intake, is one way to regain a feeling of personal control.

When something traumatic happens to you, you may feel badly about yourself. Instead of seeing the event as bad, you begin to see yourself as bad too. For instance, if you have been assaulted, you may believe you are the cause of the assault. You may feel that you deserved it. Though not true, these negative thoughts can cause all kinds of problems – usually problems with how you see yourself and how you take care of yourself.

Bad things that can happen can be huge, such as being sexually assaulted or having a potentially deadly disease like cancer or being in an accident or house fire. Bad things can be smaller, too. They can be things like being in a bad relationship, having a job failure, ongoing stress, or witnessing a terrible event. Whether the event is big or small in the eyes of another, in your own eyes, it is very big and very real and leaves you feeling out of control.

Trying to Gain Control

When something bad has happened to you, your body responds. Sometimes it responds with headaches or stomach pains or even lots of colds! You may also take out your distress on your body. With anorexia, you do this by not eating, using laxatives, or exercising too much. When your body produces symptoms, it is manifesting the stress. When you take out your distress on your body, this is your way of showing the effect the stress and trauma has on you without ever having to really talk about it or confront it.

Since the trauma or stress has left you feeling out of control, you may be desperately trying to regain control. The problem with using food as a way of gaining control is that you actually lose control of your body, your life, and even your emotions to the relationship you are forming with the food!

In the end, using food to control your life does not work. Starving yourself or only eating certain foods or over-exercising seem to work in the short run by comforting or soothing you, but these behaviors have so many long term consequences that practice of them leave you worse off than before. What you will need to do is find other coping methods that help you feel better but don’t cause health or safety issues.

This is easier said than done. If you knew a better way, surely you would already be doing it, right? That is why asking a professional for help may be the answer.

Face It and Get Through It

To find a new way to express the pain of the events that triggered your eating disorder, you will need to make changes in how you think about the event and what you do for control. To do this, you will need to seek support to learn new, healthy ways to cope with emotional pain.

Traumatic events happen to everyone. In order to move beyond the pain, you will need to remember that the event was bad. You were not bad, you did not deserve the pain, you were not the cause of the pain, and you deserve to get better, feel better, and say yes to life!

Published on Monday September 28, 2009 in Article and Eating Disorders. 0 Comments Tags: Kimberly Krueger.

The Importance of Taking Time for You

Who is the Most Important Person You Know? You Are!

Life can be a juggling act that requires a lot of practice. Everything is vying for your time—job, friends, family, social commitments, etc. The more you add to your plate, the more likely you are to “drop the ball” when it comes to remembering to make time for YOU in the midst of it all.

The Cat in the Hat Syndrome

Whenever I think of time management, I always think of Dr. Seuss’ The Cat in the Hat. At one particular point in the book, the cat is showing off his incredible balancing skills:

I can hold up the cup
And the milk and the cake!
I can hold up these books!
And the fish on the rake!
I can hold the toy ship
And a little toy man!
And look! With my tail
I can hold a red fan!
I can fan with the fan
As I hop on the ball!
But that is not all.
Oh, no.
That is not all….
That is what the cat said…
Then he fell on his head!

If this sounds like you, if you are trying to juggle everything while proving to the world that you can do everything, then you have forgotten two very important things. The first is that you are not capable of being everything to everybody. The second is that you will certainly fail if you don’t take time for yourself. And think about it….how can you be there for anyone else if you are on your head?!

Include Yourself in Your Balancing Act

Taking time for you is essential to your health and happiness. You will never be able to keep juggling everything in your life if you put yourself at the bottom of the list. Eventually, you will come crashing down, just like the cat. The better you take care of you, the better you will be able to be there to help someone else as well.

How long has it been since you had any “me time”? If you had to pause for more than a moment or two to come up with the answer, then it has been too long! In an ideal world, everyone would have at least one hour per day to themselves. However, in the real world, any amount of time is better than no time!

Here are a few tips to help make time for yourself more likely to happen:

Keep a diary of your daily activities and then evaluate what you do, when you do it, and how long it takes. You may be surprised to find ways to consolidate your activities so that “me time” is available.
Create a “space” in your home that is just for you and just for relaxation. In this “me space” you may not bring in work or worries. This is your space for reading, listening to music, meditating, yoga, or other relaxing activities.
Learn to say NO! Remember, you can’t be all things to all people. Give yourself permission to say no to someone else as a way to be able to also say “yes” to yourself.

Want Some “Me Time” But Don’t Know What To Do?

If you are struggling with “me time” ideas, here are a few things to get you started:

Go for a quiet walk. Or a jog, if that is more your style
Soak in the tub
Read a good book. If you don’t have time for the whole book, try reading one chapter every day. Or even listen to a book on tape while driving in your car
Chat with a friend
Listen to your favorite music
Meditate
Take a yoga class
Paint, draw, journal, explore your creativity

This is just a partial list. The point is to find something you enjoy and make time to do it.

In the midst of balancing your cake and books and fans while bouncing on a ball, be sure that you remember to find time for yourself. You are, after all, the most important person you know.

Published on Monday September 28, 2009 in Article and Wellness. 0 Comments Tags: Kimberly Krueger.