Monthly Archive for November, 2009

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Surviving the Holidays

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Like it or not, ready or not, once again they are coming. Before we’ve even processed Labor Day, we see the decorations going up for Halloween. Halloween is not even over and already there are stuffed turkeys and pilgrim hats lining the shelves. And about a week before Thanksgiving we find ourselves getting confused about which holiday to prepare for because everywhere we look, we see nothing but mistletoe and fake icicles and Santa Claus.

Sometimes it seems like the media and corporate America get more excited about the holidays than we do….because we are too busy managing the anxiety and stress caused by non-stop pressures to buy more than we can afford, see people we don’t like or don’t know (or both), and eat foods we would never otherwise consider consuming just to be accommodating to great aunt Lucy who has been cooking her signature pumpkin pie-flavored raisin fruitcake since the early 1900’s…..

But this year, the holidays can be different. Each holiday season is like a milestone in our lives, when we can look back on where we were and what worked (and what didn’t) the year before and celebrate how much we’ve learned and grown in the twelve months in between.

This is why the best way to tackle the holidays this year is to examine what worked and what didn’t last year and make adjustments from there. So here are some questions to contemplate and journal about that can help make the holidays feel less like an onslaught and more like a celebration:

Where did you struggle the most during last year’s holiday gatherings (dinner table, family interactions, isolating to avoid conflict, whatever it is)?

What ideas do you have to prepare in advance for how to navigate similar challenging moments that may reoccur this year?

What kind of support did you need last year that you didn’t have that could have made a difference?

Do you have a strong support team (professional and loved ones) going into this holiday season?

If not, what can you do now – today – to add supportive others to your team?

At Southlake Counseling, we know how it feels to watch the holidays rushing headlong at us, delighting our eating disorder/anxiety/depression and terrifying us. We also know that what is great about the holidays is that they force us to take action – NOW – to protect and care for ourselves.

If you need help and support as the holiday season approaches, we invite you to contact us today. We are looking forward to partnering with you to find ways you can say “no” to holiday stress and “yes” to a celebration of love, gratitude, and life!

Be Well,

Kimberly

Published on Wednesday November 18, 2009 in Uncategorized. 0 Comments Tags: , .

Your “Say Yes to Life” Monday Motivator – The End of Overeating

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I hope you had a magnificent weekend. It’s late Sunday night and I’m sitting in bed reading one of my favorite new books – The End of Overeating: Taking Control of the Insatiable American Appetite, by David Kessler, MD.  Dr. Kessler is the former FDA commissioner under presidents Bush and Clinton, and he has written a groundbreaking new book that will change the way you look at food – forever. 

Dr. Kessler opens the discussion with a simple review of the wellness crisis we are facing today.  Fully two-thirds of Americans are overweight and an estimated five million women and three million men are dealing with binge eating (Bulik). Another eleven million Americans are struggling with bulimia (bingeing followed by purge-type behaviors) or anorexia (willful self-starvation).

Dr. Kessler goes on to paint a portrait of our collective “insatiable American appetite” by using an all-too common scenario. Let’s say, he tells us, that you start your day out planning to be “good”, but before you know it the lure of the coffee cake at the office or the trail mix left on the counter hooks you and reels you in – again.  Even though you know you aren’t hungry, even as you struggle and rage against the siren song of the snack machine, you can’t seem to simply say no to the “bad” foods that lower your self-esteem even as they expand your waistline. 

With this scenario clear in our heads, he presents us with the twin million-dollar questions:

Why, when you aren’t hungry, do you still continue to reach for food?

And, if it is not you, then who is to blame?

Dr. Kessler’s answer to these two questions is simple, profound, and shocking.

Food Industry + Advertising Industry = A Nation of Overeaters

For instance, did you know that when we regularly consume foods that contain high levels of sugar, fat, and salt, that it is not just our bodies that are affected by our choices? Our minds are affected too.  Dr. Kessler calls this “conditioned hypereating”, a term that refers to the crave reflex that is set up in our brains when they are repeatedly exposed to nutrient sources that are nutritionally imbalanced.

To put it more simply – when we regularly consume foods high in sugar, fat, and salt, the reward center in our brain is stimulated to crave more foods high in sugar, fat, and salt, even though more of those elements are not what our body really needs.

If you watched the movie Supersize Me, you have seen a real-life example of the frightening scenario Dr. Kessler paints when he tells us in no uncertain terms that the food industry is aware of how foods high in the “deadly trio” affect our brains and bodies. Dr. Kessler wants one thing to be crystal clear – that the marketing of processed foods to Americans who are already struggling with overeating, weight, and portion size is a deliberate, money-making venture.

The End of Overeating explains in exacting detail how industry’s “food architects” purposefully create processed foods with high levels of sugar, fat, and salt to make these foods “compelling and irresistible” to our bodies and brains. In his book and his work, Dr. Kessler is on a mission to empower us with the knowledge to break free from what he calls the “cycle of desire and consumption that ends with a nation of overeaters.”

Kessler states that the nation’s weight problem is all the evidence we need to prove that we have gotten a lot of bad advice from a lot of questionable and sometimes downright unethical sources.  Each day, new diets are being created and marketed as weight-loss sure-cures.  Although some diets help people to lose weight in the short-term, 95% of all dieters will gain all the lost weight back and more within five years. The evidence speaks for itself – diets don’t work. And since the definition of insanity is “doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results”, Dr. Kessler is ready with a different approach to achieving daily, healthful food intake that produces healthy results.

In The End of Overeating, Dr. Kessler states that “restoring control over eating requires us to take a comprehensive approach, one that has many interlocking steps.  To gain the upper hand, we need strategies that address the multiple behavioral, cognitive, and nutritional elements” of overeating.

As I finish the final pages of Dr. Kessler’s masterpiece, I am excited to share with you all that at Southlake Center, that is exactly what we do! If you are sick and tired of feeling sick and tired in your body and mind, then we are here to help. We know what it feels like to feel powerless in the face of food cravings. We understand the emotional devastation that occurs when you try and try to “eat healthy”, only to fail and fail again. At Southlake we believe the “Mind, Body, Spirit” approach to weight loss is the only way to enjoy lasting success. That is, when we change how we feel about ourselves, how we think about ourselves, how we nourish ourselves and how we care for ourselves, in all ways, then we can expect to have a healthy relationship with food and with our bodies… and lose weight.

We want you to know that help is available, and that you CAN get better.

The Southlake Center Nutrition and Wellness Program is comprehensive, grounded in scientific research, and supported by real-world clinical experience.  Our experienced, highly trained, and compassionate professionals will help you implement your unique and individualized plan to restore health and wellness in body, mind, and spirit.  You will have the support of your Southlake Center therapist, registered dietitian, and personal trainer as you take daily, visible steps toward saying no to food cravings and yes to all that healthy living has to offer you.

So I hope you’ll join the new revolution in weight loss. Also be sure to ask about our newest ten-week group intensive program, “Weight A Second” starting in January 2010. Preliminary research has shown that fully 89% of participants who completed this Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT)-based program were abstinent from binge eating by the end of the group treatment – compared with just  12% of participants from the control group!

Call us at 704-896-7776 to get on the waiting list for this phenomenal group program which launches in January 2010.  Join us in January. You’ll be glad you did!!

Be well,

Kimberly

Published on Monday November 16, 2009 in Monday Motivator. 0 Comments Tags: , .

Tips To Help You Manage Thanksgiving Menus and Appetites

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With Thanksgiving approaching, surely you have given some thought to your holiday menu.  Whether you are dining in or dining out, food seems to be the main reason we even celebrate Thanksgiving anymore.  Menus exist everywhere you turn.  From Martha Stewart to your internet home page, recipes and holiday tips abound, trying to either overdo or lighten your holiday food consumption.

When traditional Thanksgiving menus include all the favorites like turkey, sweet potato casserole, rolls, stuffing, potatoes, butter, gravy and pie, it is hard to fit in anything else – especially that chestnut butternut squash stuffing or broccoli cheese casserole which you found the recipes for just yesterday.  Grocery stores are filled to the brim with all the trimmings, too.  Holiday displays make them all the more enticing, encouraging you to buy more items.

But, taking a minute to step back and remember what Thanksgiving is all about does not hurt.  Sure, it sounds a bit cheesy, but taking the time to be thankful for all the foods we have available to us would not hurt.  And, what about the rest of the season?  After all, Thanksgiving and Christmas celebrations take up a good two to three months out of the year.  We do not have to overstuff ourselves this Thanksgiving and on December 25, simply to “fit in” all of the delicious foods the season has to offer.  Why not try one or two new recipes per week, knowing that what you do not eat today will still be around tomorrow.

As for Thanksgiving Day, remind yourself that small samples of a variety of foods are just fine and can fit into a balanced diet.  Our bodies will do a great job managing the food we eat, so long as we are healthy and remember the importance of moderation.  The bonus is that you can have lots of leftovers after Thanksgiving to enjoy the following weekend, thus saving on cooking time for guests and allowing your body to enjoy the flavors of the season without becoming so full that you feel ill.

So, try new recipes this Thanksgiving or stick to your traditional fare.  You may even wish to find ways to lighten your favorite recipes, making them more healthful.  Whichever route you take, balance the table and plate with a color of foods, just as you should the rest of the year.  If you enjoy the excitement of a table full of variety, then go for it.  Just remember to keep your hunger and satiety in check so as to avoid becoming uncomfortably full.  And, know that increasing the emphasis on the importance of gathering with family and friends may be more beneficial to the happiness of your loved ones than whether the turkey came out too dry or whether you had room on the table for another pecan pie.

Be Well,

Julie

Published on Friday November 13, 2009 in Eating Disorders and Julie Whittington. 0 Comments Tags: , .

Going Through a Divorce? What Parents Can Do to Help Their Children NOW!

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A parents’ divorce or separation can be very difficult for a child.  The child may be confused, scared, angry, or sad, and be unable to express how he or she feels or have difficulty talking about what is going on.  This can manifest in many different ways, including problems at school or with friends, feelings of anxiety or sadness, difficulty concentrating or focusing, or physical illness such as headaches.

Children may feel as though they are alone, and that no one else has ever gone through something like this.  They may feel torn between their parents, and worry about the future.  Children could hold fantasies that their parents may reconcile, but many times, this desire does not come true.

What can you, as a parent, do to help your child?

In experiences like these, parents may feel over-whelmed and unsure of how they can best help their child through the transition of divorce or separation.  A step that is beneficial is meeting with a child and family therapist.  Working together, the therapist and the parents can develop a therapeutic plan that aims to help the child in a developmentally-appropriate and kid-friendly way.  A therapeutic plan could incorporate different types of therapy, including play therapy techniques, peer-group sessions, or some traditional talk-therapy, depending on the child’s age and comfort level.

The therapist can also work with the entire family, and collaboratively, develop ways to make the adjustment to co-parenting smoother.  As the transition through divorce can bring many changes, strategies and techniques can be discussed that help the family re-define the rules and responsibilities to better meet the most recent needs of each person.

A compliment to child and family therapy is joining a peer-support group for children.  Groups like these explore age-appropriate activities designed to increase positive coping skills in a fun and encouraging environment.  It’s a great way for child to learn that they are not alone in what they are going through, while also gaining knowledge of child-friendly methods and techniques that they can integrate into different aspects of their lives.  A sense of camaraderie and accomplishment is encouraged, and children work through their issues in their own way, while making friends and having fun.

How can therapy help you and your child?

In my work with child and family clients, I feel it is important to create a safe and engaging therapeutic environment where each family member is able to express themselves and work together to develop solutions to problematic issues.  Using play therapy techniques, children can create artwork or engage in various activities that give them a way to explore what’s going on in their family and the emotions that go along with it, but in a way that is comfortable and friendly to them.  During family therapy sessions, family members can talk together about problems in a secure setting, with myself as an advocate to help navigate this transition.

In the peer-support group Shining Stars, myself, along with Mike Tanis, LPC, LMFT, will lead a group full of fun and child-friendly activities designed to encourage children in the development of coping skills and collaboration of age-appropriate techniques to deal with issues relating to divorce or separation.

Additional Resources for Parents and Children

  • For children ages 4-8, a book called “Two Homes” by Clare Masurel is an excellent resource to talk to younger children about divorce and separation.  In this picture book, the main character of the story discusses how he has two of everything, houses, rooms, etc., but both of his parents love him very much.
  • For children ages 9-12, parents may be interested in the book “What in the World Do You Do When Your Parents Divorce? A Survival Guide for Kids” by Kent Winchester, J.D. and Roberta Beyer, J.D.
  • A book for adolescents, “The Divorce Helpbook for Teens” by Cynthia MacGregor is a wonderful resource for teens and families going through a divorce transition.
  • For parents, a book called “The Good Divorce” by Constance Ahrons can be beneficial.  Common issues such as co-parenting are discussed and the author’s own life experiences are inter-woven throughout.

Carina Wise, MFTA is a marriage and family therapist who specializes in working with children and families, many of whom are traveling through a divorce transition.  To learn more, contact Carina at Southlake Counseling (704) 896-7776

Published on Thursday November 12, 2009 in Uncategorized. 0 Comments Tags: , .

Your “Say Yes to Life” Monday Motivator: Loving Yourself Unconditionally – If Not Now, Then When, Part III

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I hope you have enjoyed Parts I and II of this special three-part Monday Motivator series on practicing unconditional self-love. In Part I we explored the differences between conditional and unconditional love. In Part II, we examined how love becomes conditional, how regular doses of conditional love affect us in the short- and long-term, and how practicing conditional self-love limits us.

Here, in Part III, we conclude our exploration by coming full-circle back to answer the questions we asked at the start of the series – What does “loving yourself” mean? How do you know you are doing it? How do you know you are not doing it? And what do you do if it doesn’t feel okay to love yourself, and you often catch yourself wondering “if I can’t love myself, now, today, then when? When will I finally be able to look in my own eyes and see someone worth loving looking back at me?”

The answer to all of these seemingly complicated questions boils down to one simple word: when you begin to practice it.

Learning to Love Ourselves Unconditionally 101

When we want to learn a new skill, there is no getting around it – we need to practice. Practice may never equal perfect (regardless of what our parents or teachers may have told us), but practice is guaranteed to equal progress, and that is what we are working towards here. Furthermore, once you experience for yourself just how good unconditional self-love feels, you will find it easier to make time to practice this invaluable skill until it becomes as second-nature as practicing conditional self-love used to feel.

There are several techniques we can use to practice unconditional self-love – so try each one, and select what works best for you. Again, you might also want to have a journal handy for recording your observations and experiences.

Exercise One: Learning to Identify the Critical Inner Voice

Before there can be application of a new skill, there must be awareness of what isn’t working for us to get us the desired results. So with this first exercise, we will begin to take notice of how, where, when, and why our critical inner voice speaks to us. Here, we will not be attempting to analyze the messages for insights, but simply noticing them with the intention to distinguish them from other messages we may hear within.

So start by keeping a log of what the inner critical voice is saying to you. When you hear messages delivered by the voice, write them down. If you are having trouble recognizing which voice is the inner critic, pay close attention for statements that include words or phrases like “should, how could you, you are bad/stupid/etc.”

Exercise Two: Learning to Listen to Ourselves

We give the critical inner voice plenty of airtime. But how much airtime do we devote to listening to our own authentic voice? With this exercise, you are learning to consider another perspective – your own. Here, you will practice listening to your own thoughts until you can clearly tell the difference between the inner critical voice and your own inner voice.

If you are having trouble distinguishing between the voices, a great technique to try is to ask yourself, “If I wasn’t afraid or knew I couldn’t fail, what would I do?” Practice asking yourself this question, and then jot down your responses. What you are seeking to identify here are your hopes, dreams, and desires apart from the messages your inner critical voice may give you about whether you deserve to or can achieve any of those hopes, dreams, and desires.

Exercise Three: Learning to Appreciate Each Voice for the Gifts They Bring

It is easy to react negatively to hearing criticism, especially when the critical voice comes from within.  But consider this – whether it sounds like it or not, each voice you hear within was at one time your invited guest. Each has a message for you – each one wants to help.

This is why learning to hear the message that lies beneath the tone of the messenger is so essential to healing, growth, and relationship-building. Practicing unconditional self-love begins with developing an awareness of how each message is trying to help you. Developing an attitude of curiosity and detachment can be very helpful during this phase as well.

For instance, when you hear the voice that compares you to someone else, choose to recognize it as a part and listen to it with curiosity. Why is the part doing this?  What is it afraid of?  What does this part truly want for you? For each message you hear, pretend you are the voice itself as you journal your thoughts about the answer to each of these questions.

Exercise Four: Learning to Give Yourself the Loving Care You Want and Deserve

Being able to hear, name, and decipher each messenger and its message lays the foundation for the most important skill of all – showing yourself that you love you!

To do this, start by journaling out a list of all the statements, activities, gifts, and experiences that make you feel truly loved. If it helps, you might imagine you are someone else, and ask yourself interview-style what you would really want and need to feel wholly loved, and then jot down your own answers.

You might also benefit from what I like to call “The Mirror Exercise.” Pick a time each day when you will have a few moments to yourself – it might be as you are getting ready for work or school each morning, or at the end of a long day just before bed. Whatever time works for you, make sure you can have a few minutes alone with yourself to look into your own eyes in the mirror as you tell yourself “I love you unconditionally…no matter what.”

This is not a time to evaluate whether you are having a good hair day, or whether those jeans really go with that shirt. This is a time to connect with YOU – eye-to-eye, heart-to-heart.

Again, if you find this extremely uncomfortable, it might help at first to ease into it by imagining you are looking into the face of someone you do feel unconditional, unwavering love for. It can even help to do it with pets at first because pets accept our love fully and without hesitation!

Work your way into being able to gaze into your own eyes and offer yourself total, unwavering, unconditional love. You can also use the mirror to offer your love and appreciation to other areas of your body about which, in the past, you may have felt shame or discomfort. Bring a sense of love and appreciation into your contemplations, and remember that you may have to “fake it til you make it”, but if you are persistent over time, your practice will turn into progress, and you will begin to feel just how wonderful it is to love yourself unconditionally.

How Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy Can Help

At Southlake Counseling, we know that it is one thing to decide to practice unconditional self-love…and quite another thing to actually do it! It can be scary, sometimes painful, often disconcerting to try to stop ourselves in our tracks and change long-standing ways we have been relating to ourselves, others, and our own lives. Here is where Internal Family Systems Therapy, a Southlake Counseling specialty, can help.

IFS Therapy is a uniquely effective approach to restoring loving relationships with self and valued others. Students of IFS learn to identify patterns of internal dialogue that create conflict and interfere with their ability to pursue healthy, productive change. IFS is a powerful vehicle for restoring your sense of self through promoting self-curiosity, self-compassion, and self-confidence. Southlake Counseling professionals have many years of training and experiencing in guiding students who wish to experience the full benefits of this powerful therapeutic practice.

Call us today at 704-896-7776 or email me at Kkrueger@centerforselfdisocovery.com to learn more about how IFS Therapy can help you say NO to conditional love and YES to life!

Be Well,

Kimberly

Published on Monday November 9, 2009 in Monday Motivator and Self-esteem. 0 Comments Tags: , .