Monthly Archive for November, 2009

Your “Say Yes to Life” Monday Motivator: Finding a Reason to Recover, Part I

If you have ever found yourself thinking (or saying), “I don’t have a reason to recover”, “I can’t find a reason to recover”, “What’s the point of recovering”, “I don’t feel worth recovering for”, then the first thing you need to know is that you are not alone.

Everyone who has ever tried to recover or emerge from some significant trial has felt this way at one time or another. It is part of the human condition – to struggle, to doubt, to rally, and, for those who persevere, to triumph.

But what sets those who eventually do triumph apart from the rest?

George Lucas, pioneer of one of the most beloved movie series of all times, gets right to the heart of the matter when he says, “You have to find something that you love enough to be able to take risks, jump over the hurdles and break through the brick walls that are always going to be placed in front of you. If you don’t have that kind of feeling for what it is you’re doing, you’ll stop at the first giant hurdle.”

In this first of a three-part series on “Finding a Reason to Recover”, we will look at the power inherent in reasons. But what is a “reason”? The most commonly accepted definition is that a reason is “the basis or motive for an action, decision, or conviction.”

So this basis or reason is where we start our journey. We start here because where we start is also what motivates us for every step we take after the first one. Once we understand this, it is easy to understand how where we start is often the greatest predictor for where we end up.

The good news is that our reasons can change over time, and when our reasons change, our prognosis and the outcome of our journey changes with it.

Using Star Wars giant George Lucas’ quote as a guide, let’s look at how reasons and, as Mr. Lucas says, “find[ing] something you love”, interact. The interesting thing about this dynamic duo is that, in the intersection of our motivation and emotion, there we also find CHOICE. This is what Mr. Lucas is referring to when he says that you have to find something that you love enough to take risks – risks to promote, protect, and preserve what you love, and risks to say no to what stands between you and the fulfillment and continued protection of that love.

Recently model Kate Moss was asked what her motto for life is. She replied, “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels”. This shocked the world, not just because Moss appears to be advocating for pro-eating disorder culture, but primarily because Kate Moss is a mother herself to a seven-year-old daughter.

This is what happens when we are not willing to acknowledge that all of life comes down to a series of choices, and that two opposing choices cannot continue to indefinitely occupy the same space. For instance, what is the prognosis for Moss to maintain her current stance in the future if her impressionable young daughter takes Mommy’s words to heart?

In other words, how will Moss’ reasons change when they begin to affect her own daughter?

For that matter, how will your own reasons change when you realize that, whether you currently believe you are worth recovering for – can recover – can even see the point of recovering – that you will never have the chance to find out if you don’t act NOW to save your own life?

So this is where we start. When interviewed, fully ninety percent of those who attempted suicide by leaping off of the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco and survived told their interviewer that they realized on the way down that the problems they were killing themselves to escape were really quite solvable.

The same goes for you. And for us all. Life hands us problems – that is part of what life does. How we respond, however, is up to us. We can choose to respond with hopelessness or with positive action, and our outcomes will differ accordingly. Your eating disorder is but one of many ways in which, in the past and possibly still in the present, you have chosen to respond to the stresses and unknowns of life. Maybe you believed – still believe – that the eating disorder was the only way that you could adequately cope with your daily life.

But there are other ways that you can learn for responding and managing life’s uncertainties, and they are available to you if you want to learn them. However, you can’t learn them until you know what function and role the eating disorder serves in your life. It is helpful in this process of assessing your reasons, motivations, and choices to make a list of all the things that you believe your eating disorder provides to you. For instance, maybe your eating disorder provides you with a sense of protection, with a simple system to make sense of life’s complexities, with clear-cut daily goals….just make your list, and continue adding to it as new ideas arise.

Next, it is time to look at the cost of life with an eating disorder. What has the eating disorder prevented you from experiencing, seeing, or doing? Who would you be close to if the eating disorder did not consume so much of your attention and time? Who else that is important to you is being affected by your eating disordered thoughts and behaviors in a way that makes you worry for their wellbeing even if you feel disconnected from worry or concern for your own?

You will always be able to find reasons to stay sick. And, if you look for them, you will always be able to find reasons to get better. Your recovery prognosis really comes down to one simple act – which set of reasons will you choose to follow?

At Southlake Counseling, we understand firsthand the devastating effect than an eating disorder can have both on your life and on the lives of those who love you. We are pioneers in providing state-of-the-art, clinically-proven treatments for eating disorders in the Lake Norman area because we believe that every person has the right and ability to say “no” to the slow death of an eating disorder and YES to their own unique and precious life. If you or someone you love is struggling with disordered eating or an eating disorder, please contact us today at www.southlakecounseling.com. We look forward to your call, email, or visit very soon!

Be Well,

Kimberly

Published on Monday November 30, 2009 in Eating Disorders and Monday Motivator. 0 Comments Tags: , , , , .

Your “Say Yes to Life” Monday Motivator: How to Bounce Back (Developing Emotional Resilience)

Resilience. We’ve all heard the word….but what does it mean? There are plenty of definitions out there, but my favorite is actually a very simple explanation credited to the world-renowned Mayo Clinic: “[to have resilience is to] improve coping skills so that you can handle life’s hardships better.”

Beyond that, something else that is less recognized about resilience is that it also allows us to better enjoy life’s wonders. When we possess resilience, we retain our grasp on the bigger picture even in the midst of momentary valleys…or peaks.  In other words, when we develop emotional resilience, we learn to find a mid-point from where we can become mindful observers of as well as productive participants in our own lives. We can weather a storm because we know it will not last. And we can welcome a joy, even while knowing that at any moment, the winds might shift again and present a sorrow in its place.  

In short, resilience brings steadiness into our daily life experience. It gives us hope and optimism during tough times, and hope and optimism during wonderful times too.

This is also why emotional resilience is considered to be a key facet in our developing emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence, or our ability to identify, assess, and maintain our own emotional wellbeing within the larger context of encountering the emotions of others and groups we belong to, factors heavily into determining our chances of achieving life success.

The good news is that emotional resilience is a learned skill.

You may also find it reassuring and encouraging to know that one of the most valuable lessons I have learned from the difficult times in my life is that difficulty is often a gift in disguise.

When we successfully confront and navigate life’s unexpected challenges, we also receive the opportunity to gain strength and find new meaning in life. Interestingly, in developing emotional resilience we experience something akin to what happens when we break a bone – at first, the bone is fragile and takes some time to knit back together. But, once the new bone has completely grown in, the result is a bone that is stronger than it ever could have been before!

So now we will look at eight key characteristics that can help you develop emotional resilience:

A Sense of Hope and Trust in the World:  When you are resilient, you lean into your belief in the basic goodness of the world when times get tough. You are vigilant about maintaining your trust that things will turn out all right in the end, and this positive attitude allows you to weather life’s storms by always seeking the ray of light peeking out through even the blackest of clouds.

Interpreting Experiences in a New Light: When you are resilient, you have developed the ability to look at a situation in a new way (a skill called “reframing”). This approach helps you to minimize the emotional impact a difficult situation brings. Resilient people take a creative approach toward solving a problem, and are willing to approach new challenges with optimism and an open mind.

Understand and accept emotional experiences: When you are resilient, you know that your feelings and emotions exist for a reason.  Rather than judging your emotions and spending precious reserves of time and energy labeling them as “good” or “bad”, “necessary” or “unnecessary”, you instead channel your efforts into reading the road signs of your emotional map to find your way back to centeredness, peace, and wellbeing even in the midst of life’s unexpected and stressful moments.  

A Meaningful System of Support: When you are resilient, you know that you can’t get through hard times without help. Furthermore, you are willing and able to tap into networks of support when you need help because you understand that isolation is not your friend during a crisis. Resilient people aren’t stoic loners. They know the value of expressing their fears and frustrations, as well as receiving support, coaching or guidance from friends, family or a professional.

A Sense of Mastery and Control Over Your Destiny: You may not be able to predict the future, but when you are emotionally resilient you can put aside that which you are unable to control and focus your attention on elements that are within your sphere of influence. Resilient people know that ultimately their survival and the integrity of their life values depend on their ability to take action rather than remain passive. Tough times call for you to tap into your own sense of personal responsibility and ability so that you can “be the change you wish to see in the world” (thanks, Gandhi!)

Self-Reflection and Insight: When you are resilient, you understand that your life experiences provide fertile ground for learning and growth. You use times of challenge as an opportunity to ask yourself questions and learn more about who you are and what matters to you. You know how to use your thoughts and feelings to gain insights you need to find your way through emotional distress to hope again. Resilient people learn from life situations and understand that the only sensible approach to challenge is to stay centered in the moment, where anything is possible.

A Wide Range of Interests: When you are resilient, you can always look around and find something new and interesting to focus your attention on. The wider your range of interests and activities, the more motivation you will have to do the hard work of maintaining optimism during troubling times. Your array of interests and relationships will also help you stay open to new approaches and perspectives for problem-solving. Resilient people have learned to productively channel some of the unavoidable worry and anxiety that hard times bring into rewarding pursuits.

Sense of Humor: When you are emotionally resilient, you know exactly how powerful a good laugh can be! By cultivating your ability to see the absurdity, irony, or genuine humor in a situation, you also rekindle your sense of hope and possibility during even the toughest situations. Humor has both psychological and physical benefits in relieving stress because it encourages a swift change in your perception of your circumstances—when your thoughts change, your mood quickly follows.

At Southlake Counseling, we understand that it takes time to develop emotional resilience, and that having the support of skilled and caring professionals as well as friends and family can be a tremendous support during times of emotional distress. Furthermore, we know that an ounce of preparation for the inevitability of life’s hard times can be priceless in terms of the message it sends to us each and every day that we are worth surviving and thriving for.

Southlake Counseling professionals are highly trained in a wide variety of modalities that are useful in developing emotional resilience, chief of which is Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, or DBT. Students of DBT learn four core skills to develop emotional resilience, including mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotion regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness.  

Southlake Counseling is the recognized leader in the Lake Norman area for DBT-based individual and group support – our commitment to providing superior quality DBT training is fueled by our commitment to helping you say “no” to emotional distress and YES to life lived in the presence of the hero within.

If you would like to learn more, please visit us at www.southlakecounseling.com today.  We look forward to your call, email, or visit!

Be Well,

Kimberly

Published on Monday November 23, 2009 in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) and Monday Motivator. 0 Comments Tags: .

Recent Research Reveals Sugar More Addictive than Cocaine

Hi everyone, Kimberly Krueger, here.   In a recent issue of the Los Angeles Times, there was an article about the addictive nature of sugar. I think the research findings are important and fascinating, so I’m going to share it with you.

Researchers have learned that rats overwhelmingly prefer water sweetened with saccharin to cocaine, a finding that demonstrates the addictive potential of sweets.

Offering larger doses of cocaine did not alter the rats’ preference for saccharin, according to the report.

Scientists said the study, presented this week in San Diego at the annual meeting of the Society for Neuroscience, might help explain the rise in human obesity, which has been driven in part by an over consumption of sugary foods.

In the experiment, 43 rats were placed in cages with two levers, one of which delivered an intravenous dose of cocaine and the other a sip of highly sweetened water. At the end of the 15-day trial, 40 of the rats consistently chose saccharin instead of water.

When sugar water was substituted for the saccharin solution the results were the same, researchers said.

Further testing subjected 24 cocaine-addicted rats to a similar trial. At the end of 10 days, the majority of them preferred saccharin.

“Intense sweetness is more rewarding to the rats than cocaine,” said coauthor Magalie Lenoir of the University of Bordeaux in France. “Excess sugar could increase levels of the brain chemical dopamine, leading to a craving for sweets,” she said.

Lenoir said mammalian taste receptors evolved in an environment that lacked sugar and so were not adapted to the high concentrations of sweets found in the modern diet. Cocaine also increases dopamine, but through a different brain mechanism.

So, there we have it folks, the research is in: eating sugar causes cravings for more sugar.  *Tiffany Brown, MS, LPCA-A coordinator of the Weight A Second weight management program at Southlake Center suggests the following tips to decrease sugar cravings:

      1.    Frequent Meals. Eating meals at regular intervals will prevent drops in blood sugar that trigger cravings.

      2.   Eat Whole Foods. Fruits and vegetables, legumes, nuts, and whole grains contain some naturally occurring sugars, but they also offer dietary fiber and important nutrients to help balance blood sugar.

      3.   The More Natural, The Better. Choose an orange, rather than orange juice. Not only will you get less sugar, but you’ll also benefit from more nutrients.

      4.   Beware Of Fat-Free Labels. These foods actually contribute to health and weight problems. What the labels don’t tell you is that these products contain more sugar – sometimes two or more times that found in the “regular” versions.

      5.   Assess.  Are you actually just thirsty, or sleepy?  Oftentimes sugar cravings are just misread signals for other needs.

Hope these suggestions help.  And if you would like to know more about saying No to Diets and Yes to life, be sure to contact us at Southlake and we’ll get you started right away.

Be well,

Kimberly

*Tiffany Brown, MS, LPCA-A is certified through ACE as a personal trainer and group instructor.  She is also certified through the NCBDN as a weight loss/nutrition instructor. Tiffany is provisionally licensed by the NC Board of Licensed Professional Counselors.  She is Southlake’s newest team member and is coordinator for Southlake’s Weight A Second Weight Management Program.

Published on Saturday November 21, 2009 in Addiction and Nutrition. 0 Comments Tags: , , .

Holiday Tips for Managing Your Weight and Hunger

The holiday spirit is in the air.  And, for many people, just the thought of the holiday season brings on anxiety related to food.  Many worry about the upcoming holiday parties, extra treats around the office, gift baskets filled with chocolates and cheese and of course all the free samples of holiday fare at your local grocery stores.

You can, however, take comfort in the fact that it is possible to stick to a healthy meal plan over the upcoming weeks.  The holiday season does not have to inevitably bring with it a fluctuation in your body weight.

To help you reduce your anxiety, here are some tips to help manage your weight and hunger, this season:

  • Try to maintain a healthy, balanced meal plan from day to day, even if you know you are going to a party or have extra treats around the office or home.  This will ensure that you do not fill up on nutrient-poor, high sugar, high fat foods.  If you are hungry for a treat, dessert or extra snack, you can fit it into your meal plan, as long as you have eaten well balanced meals and snacks that day.
  • Resist the urge to skip meals.  This will only lay the foundation for increased hunger and cravings later in the day, therefore increasing the possibility of overeating later.
  • Balance your carbohydrates and proteins at meals and snacks.  For instance, if you are going to have a piece of pie, have a small glass of lowfat milk with it.  Or, if you choose the cheese appetizer, have some whole grain crackers or fruit with it.
  • Prepare meals with lowfat dairy, lean meats, whole fruits and vegetables (fresh, frozen or canned), whole grains and healthy fats (i.e. olive oil, canola oil, nuts, seeds).
  • Lighten traditional holiday recipes by reducing fat, sugar and sodium. This can be done by using egg substitutes instead of whole eggs, lowfat dairy products rather than whole fat versions, using lean cuts of meat and decreasing the amount of added sugars and salt you add to recipes and meals.
  • An average amount of 2 cups of fruits and 2.5 cups of vegetables per day will help increase your fiber intake and ensure you are getting plenty of phytonutrients (plant compounds that help prevent disease).  Depending on your personal nutrient needs, you may need slightly more or slightly less fruits or vegetables daily.  A dietitian can help you determine your personal needs. Choose colorful produce for the best nutrient balance.  Great produce options include broccoli, berries, spinach, tomatoes and winter squash.
  • Try not to classify foods as “good” or “bad”.  Most foods can fit in healthfully to a balanced meal plan.  Placing foods into positive or negative categories can be detrimental to your overall meal plan, leading to feelings of anxiety if you break out of what you consider safe and unsafe foods for your diet plan.  In other words, it is better to set goals to increase your fruit intake, for instance, or to decrease mindless grazing on food, rather than to require yourself to eat one apple a day or to avoid all desserts.

Julie Whittington is a Registered Dietitian in the Lake Norman area.  Reach her at juliewhittingtonrd@yahoo.com. 

Published on Friday November 20, 2009 in Julie Whittington and Nutrition. 0 Comments Tags: , .

Children and Divorce: Issues with Anxiety

As a family moves through a divorce transition, the reality is that many problems and concerns may arise.  Their parents’ divorce or separation can be very difficult for a child, as well as for the entire family.  Issues with children may manifest themselves in different ways, depending on the child and the situation.  One common difficulty that may present itself for children is anxiety. 

Anxiety in Children: What Does it Look Like?

Anxiety in children may look different than it does in adults.  Children may have trouble expressing how they are feeling or even be confused about what’s going on inside them.  Anxiety may show up as physical symptoms or illness, such as headaches, stomach aches, or repetitive behaviors like hair-pulling.  Children who have issues with anxiety may lose interest in taking part in activities they once enjoyed, or feel unable to try something new or different.  They may find it difficult to talk about what’s going on with their parents or other family members.

Ways to Work Through Anxious Feelings

In experiences like these, parents may feel overwhelmed and unsure of how they can best help their child through the transition of divorce or separation, especially when issues with anxiety arise. Meeting with a child and family therapist can be very beneficial, and by working together, the therapist, the parents, and the child can develop a therapeutic plan that aims to help the child in a developmentally-appropriate and kid-friendly way.  A therapeutic plan could incorporate different types of therapy, including play therapy techniques, peer-group sessions, or some traditional talk-therapy, depending on the child’s age and comfort level.  Activities can be geared to specifically deal with anxiety issues, in a way that is comfortable and supportive to the child.  By meeting with a child and family therapist, both the parents and the child will gain skills and insight on how to best deal with current issues, and will be able to use those skills when dealing with problems in the future.

A compliment to child and family therapy is joining a peer-support group for children.  Groups like these explore age-appropriate activities designed to increase positive coping skills in a fun and encouraging environment.  It’s a great way for a child to learn that he is not alone in what he is going through, while also gaining knowledge of child-friendly methods and techniques that he can integrate into different aspects of his life.  A sense of camaraderie and accomplishment is encouraged, and children work through their issues in their own way, while making friends and having fun.

A Parent and Child Activity: Deep Breathing

A quick activity that can be helpful to children when they’re feeling anxious (and adults too!) is a deep breathing exercise.  This is a perfect activity for parents and children to do together, as it is one that holds value for everyone.  First, take a deep breath, and hold it for a brief second.  Slowly release the air by blowing the breath out, like you are blowing up a balloon.  Focus on your breathing as you do this, and repeat a few times.  Begin to pay attention to the sound of your breathing and how the air feels when you are inhaling and exhaling.  By putting your focus on your breathing, the anxious thoughts and feelings begin to fall away and your body responds in a calming manner.  The great thing about an activity like this is that it’s easy, requires little practice, and can be done anywhere!  It’s a wonderful tool for children to utilize when they are feeling nervous or scared, and one that even adults will see benefits from engaging in.

Carina Wise, MFTA is a marriage and family therapist who specializes in working with children and families, many of whom are traveling through a divorce transition.  To learn more, contact Carina at Southlake Counseling (704) 896-7776

 

Published on Thursday November 19, 2009 in Parenting. 0 Comments Tags: , , , .